Where can I go that you that you won’t be there? Why do I act as if I have to get your attention when you are already there? I don’t have to attract you, you pursued me before I even knew who you were. What can I do that would separate me from your love? Can anything separate me from your love? My only limitation has been my own lack of understanding, but since you are everywhere, then why do I have to be limited? If I need your help, I only have to ask. You are there. Everywhere I go, you are there. You are near me, you are not far. You know how many hairs I have on my head, and you have designed me to have many. What is wrong inside of me Lord? Find that thing. Whatever it is that seeks to pervert my idea of you, or get in between my understanding of you, please seek it and destroy it Jesus. Bring every thought within me and around me into the submission of your will and stoke the Holy Ghost fire. Every time something is sent to distract me Lord, please use it as tinder to cause a bigger blaze of fire. Oh my soul, why ever be downcast within me, Jesus is greater than he who is in the world. When he hung on the cross at Calvary and rose again to take his rightful place on the throne of my soul he rested from his work and said it was done. The final touches that were needed to seal the deal of my salvation were done when for the pardon of my iniquities he died on that cross. Thoughts come against my very sense of self-worth and accomplishment. Bullets have always been aimed at my head to steal my light. People, even God fearing people want to help Satan to try to dim the natural light within my soul without even knowing it. Lord, you have made my enemies stepping stones and tinder for the fire that you meant to burn so bright. My enemies kneel down and help me step up, up and up until I truly am a city on a hill so that I can magnify you over the entire earth. Who can put out this Holy flame? I am the bride of Christ.
God’s love is perfect. He loves us when we don’t deserve it, and because he is so loving, he will justify us when we trespass against him because he came to us first. We love him because he first loved us. His love is perfect. When men and women did not esteem him, and even hated him, he died for them on the cross. He did this even though they would not recognize what he had done. He received no recognition from many for his sacrifice. He didn’t do good to us so that we would love him in return, rather he did good to us because of love. His love is perfect. When we looked to the world to make us whole, and it chewed us up and spit us out, and we cried, wondering who was there, did anyone truly care, he was there and unlike no other he understood because he was alone too while he was being treated like a criminal when he was really innocent, hanging on that cross. God’s love is perfect, and it was manifested in his Son, who died and gave his life for us. Not so that we could ever give him anything in return, but because he truly loved us. His love is still perfect.
I prefer to have someone to talk to, yet at times I don’t have that special friend. Or, I’ll find someone to talk to, but the deeper need isn’t met. Why? Because no one satisfies like you. It is time alone spent with you that I am changed. Sometimes I think about how I lack. How I am not this or that. I go back to thinking about men, always expecting them to reject me. When they accept me, I still don’t feel the deeper satisfaction of being understood, cared about, truly seen and loved. Just hearing, “I love you”, isn’t enough. Just being told, “you are pretty” isn’t enough. No matter where I turn, someone else is prettier, smarter, more mature, sweeter, wittier. It is not a contest for sure. Every person is put on this earth to shine, and for a purpose. I can celebrate when another woman shines and gets that love she’s always wanted. I just want to be satisfied. It is still clear to me God, that I will only get that need satisfied in you, and I am reminded that you alone know every need I have and are able to meet it. You are shaping me, molding me, changing my shape, strengthening my faith. Teaching me to hear your voice and hold strongly to it, because all kinds of things make me want to deviate.. but you are with me. God, help me get go even deeper with you. I want to get even closer to you. I want to know you so intimately. You are surely the best lover, my soul was made to celebrate you and to be loved by you. You came down to save me. Help me to let you be the leader. Teach me. You have stepped back and let me do things my own way, I want your way. Please teach me. I don’t know how to follow you unless you show me. I don’t know how to do anything unless you guide me. I want to learn. Here’s what I need more, you impressed on me… I need to trust you. I need to know that when I am not even thinking about you, that you are bigger, that you are there, that you have not abandoned me. You spoke that word to me yesterday, you said, “I have not abandoned you”, and I even asked you what you meant, confused because I wasn’t consciously thinking you abandoned me. Now you are showing me. what you really meant by saying that to me is that… even if I go about my merry way, you care and watch over me. You care about me. I don’t have to beg you to pay attention to me. You are bigger than me. You have not left me alone to figure things out. I am not alone. You have not left me. You are still there, you are still here. You are near to me. Others often leave me. Others often don’t care. They care but not when I need them to care, or like I like them to care. You knitted me in my mother’s womb. You have always watched over me. I know this, yet I still try to take care of everything by myself and I act like I’m alone. I cannot do anything on my own. Please show me just how much you care about me. Please take care of me. Let this revelation go deep. Thank you Lord. Amen.