I often don’t even know what I’m going to say when I open a new blog. This is the title that keeps coming to my heart, yet I don’t know what to say. He makes all things work for my good. This means that all the little things that we feel ashamed about desiring or maybe it is a personal struggle that really weighs us down, are allowed to be there for God’s purposes. We don’t have to think that we are alone or fear abandonment by God for having these “light and momentary afflictions” because he is the Alpha and Omega, which means that he is ultimately in control of the happenings of our souls and we are not alone. Don’t think that what you go through is so unusual, as a matter of fact it is a common occurrence to many believers, yet many are not at liberty to discuss it. That is also the wonderful thing about shedding light in the darkness, because when the light exposes the darkness, it leaves. It loses its power. When we hide issues and truths that we would rather not be brought to the light, then instead of going away, they grow into a big ugly monster. When the light illuminates what is in the dark, then it becomes small and powerless, and thousands of demons go to flight. Demons cannot stand the light. Their powers are in their lies. As long as we allow them to stay in the shadows then they will pull us down into the their depths of despair. Despair is not of God and cannot continue when in the light. Bring the truth to the light. Amen.
Every time I get my eyes on a man my heart gets hurt. Why? Because I need healing. I need to be engulfed in a shadow of perfect love right now. I need to be embraced and seen as I am and to be loved, understood, and accepted. I am already wounded from past betrayal, hurt, and rejection. I have a history of being lied to, let down, and mistreated. The worst part is that I have not been loving or kind to myself. I don’t even accept myself and I often forget that this is what I’m feeling. I do not like who I am, why? Well, I do like who I am, but there is a voice of mine I hear in my head that rejects myself. This needs to be dealt with. So there is no place in my mind for being with a man who in anyway tells me I’m not good enough and who is only interested in self gain. I have no business seeking approval from a man when I need to love myself and be loved. I have no business listening to the negative voice. Correction is appropriate, but because my heart is already fragile it needs to come from a person who truly cares about me and knows how to be gentle and kind. The words “value” and worth keep playing over and over in my mind so apparently this plays a role. I am valuable so why would I waste my time trying to feel valued? If someone doesn’t value you then they are a hindrance to us and toxic. In other words if someone does not value us and see our worth, without us having to prove it or show it, then we are busy trying to earn something that we need to be already validating. I am worthy, I am fragile, I am tender, I am bruised, I am new. I have new skin that needs to be treated with care and nourished. “I have loved you with an ever lasting love” says the Lord, and he keeps showing me that every time I love a man I will be hurt. The reason for this is because only one knows my heart, I do not have to prove myself to God, he already understands my worth as he himself created me in my mothers womb he celebrates me already. Man does not and will never know my mind, only God does. We all seek to be understood and don’t want to be intimidated. Done. God understands you. God is always kind and gentle with you. I do not need to be spending my time with someone who cannot read my mind, see my heart, or not truly love me. That just wounds my already broken heart, because what I need only God can give me. Now that it is just me and the Lord, I am free to love him and serve him alone.