Ive been experiencing a loneliness that comes from feeling unloved and uncared about in a real way by many in my life . This has turned into a call to separate from people for the most part and spend time with God. The truth is that only God is able to meet me in the deepest way that I need. I hear scriptures play in my thoughts, that in his presence is fullness of joy. When we enter a time of disenchantment with people and life.. it is also connected to a need for something more. We are told that those who belong to God don’t consider earth their home.. in other words we groan and crave for something more lasting, more complete, more whole. I think sometimes it would be nice to have a partner to do things with, to watch a show with, to spend time with. But I’ve had that and it was a big dissapointment because they didnt want to do what i wanted to do, and I depended on them to meet the deepest needs in me. That failed, they failed, I was miserable.. and so were they because I was. I now cannot think of a single person or single thing in life that can complete me.. if I had found contentment with anyone or anything else then I wouldnt be so hungry for God. I am so hungry for him.. and as I enter into his presence I am fulfilled . I have many material needs in my life , always one stress after another after another .. tithing seems to help my view of money but not my bank account. I finally see these issues for what they are, distractions. Because they keep coming and coming. I prayed to God for the umpteenth time about these things and he didnt even respond to those issues.. he tells me to come away with him and to spend time thinking about what is important. The storms keep raging on but they won’t keep me distracted . I will focus on God. I will enter the holiest place, the safest place whixh is his presence. Not trying to figure out the answers because we don’t know how God will provide.. we cannot rationalize those things. I just need to know one thing, his grace is enough. His voice is enough , his word is enough. His love is enough. Amen. Now im finding that i have a great peace within me, a joy, a glow.. no im not perfect, but I know God is with me.. That is really all I need. As long as he’s with me, all else matters not. Just please never leave me I ask him, and he says he won’t . This is the greatest love story . It can be everyones. We don’t have to have that person, that recognition, that promotion, that need met..
Just give me Jesus 💖
I am to the point that I am relying on every word you tell me God. So when you tell me that everything is going to be ok, and I start having anger, panic, frustration with how things are then I am not listening to you. Help me hold onto your words, your promise, your voice. When you tell me things, and the world shows the opposite of what you say, I will hold on. You tell me to obey, then I obey… you tell me this is the way.. then I will not go a different way. You tell me to rely on you, then I will rely on you. I trust you. You honor faith. I am standing on my faith. You are the author and finisher of faith. You tell me that if I am wrong about anything, you will make it clear to me. You alone are faithful.
Up until now i have been rooted and grounded in fear. Fearing the things that be not as though they were. When one is tossed too and fro by the waves of doubt and fear, they eventually have a decision to make. Will i believe what God told me or my feelings? God doesnt change his mind.
As I pray about the same things that concern me I am reminded that those things I care so much about are not so significant to God like they are to me. He knows they are important to me but instead I am listening to what he is saying to me. What God has to say is what really matters. What matters the most to him is righteousness. However there are so many facets to righteousness. One part of righteousness is doing what is right. We should always seek to treat people fairly. However righteousness doesn’t just end there. There is a way that appears right, but the end result is not right because what is right originates within the soul of a man or woman. Righteousness is credited to us. I’ve experienced this time and time again with God that he will take our deeds that we don’t call good and make them pure and white as snow. The word says that God justifies us. When we come to him with our all, he takes what we have to give and makes it sufficient. The example of the handful of fish and bread is an example of which he used to feed the 5000. Everything in the bible relates and everything that is spiritual has so many facets. Like Sara having a baby for abraham in her old age is an example of how much God will bless us in the little acts of faith. Sara laughed but Abraham believed and eventually God’s will took place in his time frame. Truth is that the Christian is no better then a sinner in our acts of rightness except that God makes our acts right. It is God who justifies, he calls it just so it becomes just. He calls us clean so we become clean. It is all done by the will and hand of God. Just as the world was created because God said it. Who is he that he justifies? It is the one who loves him. This is not obedience that im referring to although obedience has a part in showing God we love him, but we can’t even obey him unless he gives us the grace. This is why in every christian mind we need to settle that it is not out righteouness that God longs for, how can this be so when he himself makes us righteous? Rather, it is the willing, the man who cares enough to acknowledge God, to know him and call upon his name. Those who God chooses he calls them, then he justifies them, then he sanctifies and glorifies. But this is all done by faith. It is what we believe that directs our lives.
What do I believe right now? I believe that my heart is pure like gold and those who love me in truth will blessed. Those who misuse me, abuse me, hurt me, and reject me will be punished. God made me to be a weak thing in a proud world like a little lamb waiting for the slaughter. Who will be my friends? It is a test of faith to those who come into my circle. What will be their fate? I am his.
I also know that what is important, what truly matters in my life right now as i press in is to know how he feels about me. To know i am loved, to understand my worth. When we get this.. to know him and to be known by him.. who do we fear, what do we fear? We can see every matter in the eyes of God’s love. It is from the inside out that God always makes his will come to pass. Things that are not as though they were .. not because they are not.. they just havent matured yet. So now I am convinced that everything that happens in my life is under God’s control. Who chooses to love me in truth and care for me will be blessed. Those who fail that test .. God will deal with as he plans. My God is with me in the midst of everything I am not alone. Frankly it does not matter of others agree or approve. That’s always been the way it is. God make your will known and your will be done and I praise you for your love is faithful and true. Amen.