Even When It Hurts

I’ve found that some of our most destructive patterns occur in the midst of pain. When we get angry, hurt, offended we become defensive and in an attempt to defend ourselves we can say mean and hurtful things to others. We didn’t mean it that way, we hope they will forgive and understand us. In time they might. Some wounds can take a life time to heal. Yet there is hope. There is a way around the destruction that wants to destroy our friendships, relationships, and our homes. We can obey God even when it hurts. We can seek out his answers to our pains, and be willing to be objective to our pain, rather than offensive while in pain. Take the time to hear the other side. Listen to their pain, understand their sorrow, even when it hurts. In 1 Corinthians chapter 13, what we call the love chapter in the bible, the first descriptive word that is given to define love, is patience. Love is patient. Love does not need absolution right now. Love does not need its own needs met right now. God is the greater judge and he sees all, and he promises that when we sow seeds while we have sorrow, our harvest will be joy. Love bears all things, hopes all things, believes the best. It is patient and kind. It listens. It considers the other person. It puts its own feelings and thoughts aside so it can be the healing salve for another. If that person needs space from you, then pray they will find the care and comfort they seek. Pray they will be protected, well fed, and nourished. Love believes the best in every person. Love conquers all. Love is not self-seeking. It does not count another’s faults. Love, even when it hurts, and we will reap our reward, even if it is only helping another through their trials.

Just Give Me Jesus

Ive been experiencing a loneliness that comes from feeling unloved and uncared about in a real way by many in my life . This has turned into a call to separate from people for the most part and spend time with God. The truth is that only God is able to meet me in the deepest way that I need. I hear scriptures play in my thoughts, that in his presence is fullness of joy. When we enter a time of disenchantment with people and life.. it is also connected to a need for something more. We are told that those who belong to God don’t consider earth their home.. in other words we groan and crave for something more lasting, more complete, more whole. I think sometimes it would be nice to have a partner to do things with, to watch a show with, to spend time with. But I’ve had that and it was a big dissapointment because they didnt want to do what i wanted to do, and I depended on them to meet the deepest needs in me. That failed, they failed, I was miserable.. and so were they because I was. I now cannot think of a single person or single thing in life that can complete me.. if I had found contentment with anyone or anything else then I wouldnt be so hungry for God. I am so hungry for him.. and as I enter into his presence I am fulfilled . I have many material needs in my life , always one stress after another after another .. tithing seems to help my view of money but not my bank account. I finally see these issues for what they are, distractions. Because they keep coming and coming. I prayed to God for the umpteenth time about these things and he didnt even respond to those issues.. he tells me to come away with him and to spend time thinking about what is important. The storms keep raging on but they won’t keep me distracted . I will focus on God. I will enter the holiest place, the safest place whixh is his presence. Not trying to figure out the answers because we don’t know how God will provide.. we cannot rationalize those things. I just need to know one thing, his grace is enough. His voice is enough , his word is enough. His love is enough. Amen. Now im finding that i have a great peace within me, a joy, a glow.. no im not perfect, but I know God is with me.. That is really all I need. As long as he’s with me, all else matters not. Just please never leave me I ask him, and he says he won’t . This is the greatest love story . It can be everyones. We don’t have to have that person, that recognition, that promotion, that need met..

Just give me Jesus 💖

Time Alone With God

I prefer to have someone to talk to, yet at times I don’t have that special friend. Or, I’ll find someone to talk to, but the deeper need isn’t met. Why? Because no one satisfies like you. It is time alone spent with you that I am changed. Sometimes I think about how I lack. How I am not this or that. I go back to thinking about men, always expecting them to reject me. When they accept me, I still don’t feel the deeper satisfaction of being understood, cared about, truly seen and loved. Just hearing, “I love you”, isn’t enough. Just being told, “you are pretty” isn’t enough. No matter where I turn, someone else is prettier, smarter, more mature, sweeter, wittier. It is not a contest for sure. Every person is put on this earth to shine, and for a purpose. I can celebrate when another woman shines and gets that love she’s always wanted. I just want to be satisfied. It is still clear to me God, that I will only get that need satisfied in you, and I am reminded that you alone know every need I have and are able to meet it. You are shaping me, molding me, changing my shape, strengthening my faith. Teaching me to hear your voice and hold strongly to it, because all kinds of things make me want to deviate.. but you are with me. God, help me get go even deeper with you. I want to get even closer to you. I want to know you so intimately. You are surely the best lover, my soul was made to celebrate you and to be loved by you. You came down to save me. Help me to let you be the leader. Teach me. You have stepped back and let me do things my own way, I want your way. Please teach me. I don’t know how to follow you unless you show me. I don’t know how to do anything unless you guide me. I want to learn. Here’s what I need more, you impressed on me… I need to trust you. I need to know that when I am not even thinking about you, that you are bigger, that you are there, that you have not abandoned me. You spoke that word to me yesterday, you said, “I have not abandoned you”, and I even asked you what you meant, confused because I wasn’t consciously thinking you abandoned me. Now you are showing me. what you really meant by saying that to me is that… even if I go about my merry way, you care and watch over me. You care about me. I don’t have to beg you to pay attention to me. You are bigger than me. You have not left me alone to figure things out. I am not alone. You have not left me. You are still there, you are still here. You are near to me. Others often leave me. Others often don’t care. They care but not when I need them to care, or like I like them to care. You knitted me in my mother’s womb. You have always watched over me. I know this, yet I still try to take care of everything by myself and I act like I’m alone. I cannot do anything on my own. Please show me just how much you care about me. Please take care of me. Let this revelation go deep. Thank you Lord. Amen.

Not outward appearance

It is becoming clear to me repeatedly that we were created to display God’s glory. I look around and I sometimes see jealous faces because of my anointing that was given to me, however those same faces have not always seen me. They have not seen all the tears I’ve cried nor been there every lonely night that I learned what it meant to have God as my only friend. When God chooses us it is personal. I’ve had little glimpses of what it will be like when we get to heaven. Some of us will be in a higher rank then others yet we will all worship God together. My only desire is to be where he is. When God calls a man or woman and anoints them. Sometimes tjwir fruit is not overly evident. Sometimes they are rough , ignorant , and have some bad habits. But God sees us for who we are. He is not concerned about the opinions of men.. if men were my judge then in would have been in the garbage can but I am chosen. Thank you Lord for judging each person according to matters of the heart and not by outward appearance.