What Did I Do?

Today I heard you tell me you were pleased with me, and that you are going to make everything in my life work out for my favor as you prepare a table before me with its luscious feast. I stopped and asked myself, “wait, did I even pray today?”. Yes, of course I always pray but today was not one of those days that I felt overly spiritual. I’ve made some attempts to press in yesterday but was met with meditation on things you were doing in my life instead. So I asked myself, what did I do? I searched my memory for what I did to please you and earn your reward of making everything turn out the way I have always hoped. I had a few ideas, but I heard you say, “just keep leaning on my word”. On my commute home today I felt your love again, you told me that you were very pleased with me and that you love me. I pondered about this some more. Even though I myself preach grace and love not works, I myself have an underlying tendency to try to earn your love and approval. It is human instinct? Or maybe just experience of growing up in a desert with little love. I always want to know, what did I do so that I can do it more. I don’t want to lose this love, I don’t want to lose this favor. Of course I want everything in my life to work for my favor. Of course I want the greatest riches I can have, which is having you close to my heart. And then it occurred to me…. I have done nothing to earn this love. You love me because you made me, and I was made to be intimate with you. You are not a formula that is a result of combining ingredients. You are not a riddle to be solved. You love me because I am yours and you chose me. You sought me, you knew me before I was ever born and had me in mind when you died on the cross for me. You did that for me. You came to earth in the form of a man to be despised and tempted like a man, and to be hurt, ridiculed, and broken like a man, because you thought about me. We error when we think that we have chosen you and that we have earned you, no you chose us and you bought us with your blood. You paid the bride price with human sacrifice. You know you, you made me to know you so that I can praise you all the rest of my life. What have I done except to be given the title of the bride of Christ, the child of the most high God. Thank you for being a permanent fixture in my life. I have not chosen wrong.

Waiting On You

It is true that there isn’t always an immediate fix. As a matter of fact there is not an immediate fix for a reason, because you don’t change. To think that we need something new, or something to change before things can be different for us, is to think that God made a mistake in the first place. He made the world and everything in it including us. To say that we are not enough is to say he made a mistake, and God does not change. Rather than trying to change things in our lives, we should change our outlook. Rather than looking for something new to make us happy, we should appreciate what we have already been given. True happiness starts with being happy with where we are and with who we are with. The grass is only greener on the other side, because that person has been watering and taking care of it maybe. Maybe we need to embrace what we have. I am so grateful that no matter what happens in the life, you Lord remain the same. Your words are constant no matter what we face, your word says do not worry, do not be afraid. Appearances might tell us that things won’t be ok unless we jump rock to rock, but your word says that You are the constant rock. It is not you God that is the problem, but it is our choices. We are told that the greatest commandment is to love you with all our heart, soul, will emotion, strength, yet how many of us obey this vital command. That command alone would resolve every problem that we face on earth. We would have world peace and no more wars. We would be happy and whole. We would have no more world hunger, if every person on the planet simply just obeyed the single most greatest command. I cannot solve world hunger, but I can however choose you. Please help me to mold my will to yours. Help me do what you command and always be willing.

If I wait upon you and obey your commands according to my strength then I am fulfilling your greatest command. This is that I do it to my fullest ability, it does not require perfection, but rather true effort and determination. We cannot attain perfection, there is nothing that we can do that will ever come close to being good enough, however because you love us you credit our faith as righteousness always. You look at our actions which show you our love, and you will justify us and then glorify us. Because you are good and faithful. Your word does not tell us to seek perfection, but what it does say is to seek you first, to concern ourselves with your kingdom and your righteousness and all that we care about will be added unto us. You are faithful I know this.

When I wait upon you this means that you are my source of security. If you are my rock I will not be shaken. As soon as I get my focus on something else such as my home, my job, my partner, my friend to be my rock, I find that those things can be shaken. On my own self as well, this too can be shaken. I am reminded lately that you are the source of my strength and that I cannot even rely on my own strength. My work is to seek you and obey you. That is my part and the rest is yours. Do I trust you? Then I will show it be waiting upon you and obeying you even when I am afraid, even when my head screams that I am foolish. I will keep my trust in you as my source and my security alone. The world will tell us a different story always. Your friends, family members, teachers, even fellow church members will tell you to put your trust in something else, and maybe suggest that putting all your trust in the God of earth is foolish, however God has a way of proving his word. His word will not return void. Lord please let anything that I ever think to place my trust in be shaken. I am so grateful for my relationship because it teaches me that you are a solid rock and foundation and my reliance on anything outside of you will prove to be shaken. I am so grateful that you promise to not abandon your loved ones to the grave. Whatever is consistently you, that I can trust.

Help me trust in you in depth. Please expose the times I might be reaching for something other than my secure rock and remind me of your life and faithfulness. Sitting on this rock might prove challenging until we find that it is actually comforting to trust in you. To rely on you. At first the rock seems hard, cold, silent. Over time we begin to feel your warmth, your attentiveness, your care and your ever enduring love. What is even more is that we find that even if we slip and fall off, or even if we choose to get off the the rock, this rock will seek us, and it will find us because there is nothing, no height, or depth, or width or power, no magnet, no distraction, no other love that can separate me from this love. The magnitude of that love is so important and powerful for us to understand. So much so that we have been prayed for so that we will know how high, and deep, and wide is your love for us. Because you are love. Even if we are unfaithful you will remain faithful. Lord I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be worthy of your love. But right now while I’m of sound mind I am saying thank you. Help me learn more about the depth of your love. Help me always choose life and be willing to loose my life so that it will be saved. Amen