I’ve been wondering why I haven’t been able to successfully date someone? I mean I recently had a boyfriend who was far away, we never met in person, but when it comes to dating men nearby I have anxiety. Honestly, I have had anxiety anyways which also made it hard for me to enjoy my long distance relationship. I realize that I have just not been really ready. I know that God will make all things clear, and that he knows this is a topic that concerns me and he cares. Sometimes it is the seeking that gives us the answers we need. Only if we know the questions we seek. I know that God will cause all things to work out for my good. How do I know when its time? I think that I will know it is right when I am not trying to force it. I think I will know it is right when I am not trying to compromise. I think that the reason I can wait, even though I hate waiting, is because I do not need a partner, though God may bless me with one. I need only one, and that is God. Two are better than one, but two is not mandatory, and should not replace our relationship with God. God has made it clear to me that he makes me sufficient for my girls who don’t have their dad. His love for me is also sweeter than that of any man. When we have God, then we have all that we need. I need to complete God’s project that he gave me. I trust him to provide for all of my needs. It is in the waiting he has shown me. Maybe it is when I am certain that I am enough that I will be ready. I don’t know if my self-concept will ever change, but God knows what I need. He knows when I’m ready. Lord, please lead me and enlighten the eyes of my understanding. Amen.
One of my good friends had been saying the same thing over the months, they said, “when our situations settle, everything will fall into place”. I knew exactly what that meant. It means that God has a plan and when all the situations work out, then the pieces that we have been trying to find the proper place for will suddenly fall into place. I have spent so much time trying to force pieces into place, not being content until the puzzle was solved, however being willing to ensure that this occurred even if the final image was bent, torn, and close to the correct size but not right after all. That is called impatience. That is called fear. Fear of not having a completed puzzle, and fear that God will leave me to figure it out on my own. Even though this is something I couldn’t consciously comprehend, that is what was beneath the surface festering, causing me to put together and try to force together pieces of the puzzle that were not meant to fit. This friend also once said to me, “don’t force anything!” That wisdom has never left my mind, and it has since lingered and guided the path that I have been taking since than. So, what will the final outcome be? The truth is that none of know what we will end up being, or what God has in store for us. We couldn’t even fathom or imagine it, the bible tells us this. All we have to do is trust in God. We just need to have a relationship with him, talk to him, and seek him in earnest. Do our best to please him as a wife would do for her husband, a Son for his Father, A daughter for her mother, a husband for his bride, though that is what we are to Jesus. Jesus never got to have a bride. I got to thinking one day that maybe Jesus would have loved a bride. Maybe he would have loved Mary Magdalene or someone else, and maybe that was the need that God intended to satisfy him with and made the church his bride. Maybe that was Jesus secret prize for faithfulness. I am not pretending that that is what the bible said, rather it is just a guess because that is the way God is. He intends on giving us back far more than we could ever expect or give him in return. We are his bride. We are his pride and joy, and our completeness is his eternal joy. That is what is his prize, to see us truly fulfilled. That is what love is. So for this reason we can trust that everything is meant to fall into place for us. It surely will.
The only thing that is ever needed is God’s approval. It doesn’t matter what others say. It doesn’t matter what the news says. It doesn’t matter what circumstances say. It doesn’t matter what the statistics say. It doesn’t matter what our weaknesses say. Only one thing is needed, and that is what God has to say. To leave the limitations of our own human understanding, no matter how advanced that understanding has become, is to really soar in realms above. To follow God’s voice is to soar on wings like eagles above the storm, God’s spirit is the eye of the storm, and his word is the air beneath our wings that let’s us soar above every earthly force that seeks to pull us down and distort the truth. No man or woman will ever trump the voice and knowledge of God. Those who are led by the Spirit are his sons. Only on thing is needed. God’s approval. Think of Simon Peter who tried to tell God what was clean, and that he would not touch what God now told him was clean. Who created the clean and the unclean? Who made everything? Who made the law? Who allowed the storm? Who made the universe, only to rest on the 7th day and call it good? He gives, and he can take away. Do we now look to the created over the one who created it? God speaks into existence. God can change it. Only one thing is needed. That is to hear one word from God and have his approval. God, I love your voice. I love the presence of your spirit. When you speak, I want to stop and listen so I can hear it. What will you say now? You have said to me, “be still, and know that I am God”. Whom shall I fear? Who’s judgement shall stand ? Who is he who condemns? It is God who’s judgement will stand. I have been favored and loved though I didn’t do anything to deserve it. I have been called, chosen, justified, and now glorified as you see fit. You have done this. You truly are my bridegroom. No one trumps you. No one is stronger than you. No one knows me and protects me like you do. Who can best my God? No one will ever come close, my glorious King. I long for you. Praise to the God who stays. Praise to the one who made me. Thank You!
The Lord had spoken to me this past month and told me that he was going to deliver me from all my troubles. He reminded me of the scripture that says so in Psalm 34:19. Since then I have seen various small improvements in my life, financially, mentally, he is leading me to change some physical habits, emotionally I have so much peace. As soon as a concern begins to rise up, I am reminded of this promise he had said, that he would deliver me from all my troubles. You see before I was so used to everything going bad so my mind would automatically become worrisome, even though I believed it would eventually work out, I just didn’t know how soon that would be so I still worried and sometimes gave room to fear. Now that I am fixing my mind on him and his promise, seeking him in all my ways so that he can make them straight, believing his promise, and seeking him when I just have a question, he is giving me peace. His voice is a gentle whisper, and his presence is full of grace and love. Fear still tries to creep in but he can’t stay long because the peace of God’s presence has taken over. His word also says that he keeps in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed upon him (Isaiah 26:3).
Today I heard you tell me you were pleased with me, and that you are going to make everything in my life work out for my favor as you prepare a table before me with its luscious feast. I stopped and asked myself, “wait, did I even pray today?”. Yes, of course I always pray but today was not one of those days that I felt overly spiritual. I’ve made some attempts to press in yesterday but was met with meditation on things you were doing in my life instead. So I asked myself, what did I do? I searched my memory for what I did to please you and earn your reward of making everything turn out the way I have always hoped. I had a few ideas, but I heard you say, “just keep leaning on my word”. On my commute home today I felt your love again, you told me that you were very pleased with me and that you love me. I pondered about this some more. Even though I myself preach grace and love not works, I myself have an underlying tendency to try to earn your love and approval. It is human instinct? Or maybe just experience of growing up in a desert with little love. I always want to know, what did I do so that I can do it more. I don’t want to lose this love, I don’t want to lose this favor. Of course I want everything in my life to work for my favor. Of course I want the greatest riches I can have, which is having you close to my heart. And then it occurred to me…. I have done nothing to earn this love. You love me because you made me, and I was made to be intimate with you. You are not a formula that is a result of combining ingredients. You are not a riddle to be solved. You love me because I am yours and you chose me. You sought me, you knew me before I was ever born and had me in mind when you died on the cross for me. You did that for me. You came to earth in the form of a man to be despised and tempted like a man, and to be hurt, ridiculed, and broken like a man, because you thought about me. We error when we think that we have chosen you and that we have earned you, no you chose us and you bought us with your blood. You paid the bride price with human sacrifice. You know you, you made me to know you so that I can praise you all the rest of my life. What have I done except to be given the title of the bride of Christ, the child of the most high God. Thank you for being a permanent fixture in my life. I have not chosen wrong.
Goodnight little ones, this single mother says to her already sleeping children. So many days I had been afraid, not knowing how I will ever do this on my own, but tonight everything feels O.K. By your grace I have learned that even when I have obstacles that are yet overcome, there is nothing to fear because you are there, so no need to worry. Tonight I am not worried. Tonight I know myself and my kids are OK. We seek to have our outside needs met, yet you truly do wish for us to prosper in our souls first, and this is what you have done for me. You have shown me I’m accepted and met my deepest longing which is to be satisfied with love, to be loved. There was a time when I didn’t believe this phrase, it was something that we Christians like to say, however as we say this, we are still reaching out our hands for more satisfaction towards things that do not satisfy like food, a lover, an occupation, a drug, an alcoholic beverage. We think to ourselves “if only I can have… ____” fill in the blank. That is what we can honestly refer to as an idol. An idol back in Moses’s day was something made from wood or metal that people worshiped, yet it was obviously lifeless. Now, because of your grace you have taught me that anything I reach my hand toward for satisfaction is just like one of those man made idols, lifeless.. because only you can truly satisfy. When I get alone with you and when I hear your words come to my heart it gives me life. It gives me love. I love you Lord. I worship you Lord. You are enough.