Trust In God Alone

I am at a place in my life in which I must believe God. I know his voice.. yet, I am not one that just takes him at his voice. Just as I don’t take a prophesy as a done deal. I must see and hear him over and over again. I hate to admit it, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m truly a doubting Thomas. It is not God who I don’t trust really, it is myself. I’ve been told this before, and since I’ve been told this, I’ve found out that it is true. I think most people will admit that if they heard God’s voice, and they knew it was his will, then they wouldn’t doubt. We see a few examples of this in the bible.. 1 John 5:15 states that when we know God hears us, then we know that we will have what we asked for. Also, we have an example in Matthew 8:2 in which a man with leprosy told Jesus, “Lord, if you are willing.. then you can make me clean”. The issue isn’t that we doubt that the Lord is able, rather the issue is that we doubt he is willing. So, when I hear God’s voice and it doesn’t make sense, then I will keep asking or trying to figure out the answer. I am admitting right now that I must hear it in many different forms, and see it in many different ways before I will finally say, “The Lord is clearly telling me…….” because I do not want to delude myself or misinterpret anything! Plus, doubt is there…

Now, there certainly is a difference between doubt that we have, and the doubt that talks to us and makes us question. Questioning is not bad, after all.. we should be sure that we are sure that we are sure that we are hearing God. So, that being said, maybe all this doubting or “questioning” is a good thing. Maybe there is a difference between doubt, which is truly questioning our belief, or believing, but wanting to make extra sure.. this is caution. Now in Philipians chapter 4 we are told to be cautious/anxious for nothing, supposing which version of the bible you are reading. However, if we step out in faith, but have doubts.. then how is whatever we are stepping out to do ever going to weather the storm.

This is how I gain so much confidence in any stand that I take. I take my stands with confidence that won’t waver, because my stance has already been affirmed to me. I’ve already weighed it, or it was given so clearly to me beyond a shadow of the doubt. If having temptations to doubt, or if having doubts leads us to question God for extra confirmation, then is that a bad thing? I think not! Let’s take Gideon for example. I have a friend who always recommends Gideon’s approach to faith. Gideon was told by God that he was to raise an army to defeat the enemy. At first he questioned, not God’s ability, but rather he questioned himself. He questioned his own worth. He questioned if God would really do this for him, he wanted to be certain that he heard God right. So he tested God. You see, the word says do not test God, but in this situation Gideon was seeking reassurance, not being challenging… he wanted to know for sure, so he asked God for a specific sign, and he gave it to him, a couple days in the row. Until Gideon was sure. You see, I think that the bible gives us enough examples of men questioning God and asking specific requests and requirements of God, and God being patient and granting them to show us that God is NOT concerned that we question him. He is actually very patient. He is more concerned about us being sure. So we should seek his face until we are sure.

Now, once we are certain, then we should take the step of faith. Because once we are doing what we are told to do in Ephesians 6:13, to do all that we can do to stand, then we continue to stand. This means that challenges will come against us in the form of circumstances, people discouraging words, tests.. and this is how we develop patience. Do not grow weary in doing good, in this case obeying God and trusting in him… but rather hold fast to that promise that you have not yet received. God told Abraham he would have a child by Sarah, yet they grew weary in waiting, actually it was sarah who grew weary in waiting, so she offered her hand maiden, suggesting the promise would come by her. She was a test to Abraham. Abraham did as she suggested, however if he had stood firm on what God had originally said to him, then maybe they would have never beget Ishmael. However, God is so wise in that he allows certain events to take place because he has a bigger plan and purpose. There is yet a plan for this enemy nation towards Israel, the Ishmaelites . How do I know? Well, I could give you scripture about how God makes everything to work for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. Abraham beget Ishmael, do we really think that God would not also bless him? Even if he wasn’t part of God’s instruction, God is good and still has a purpose. Do you believe? I believe.

I went on a bunny trail for God’s purposes. What God is doing in my life is he is bringing me to a place of surrender to trying to figure out things in my own understanding, and just to trust him. You see, it was also Gideon who God did the impossible through. He not only gave Gideon victory, but he did it with a handful of men compared to the large army that Gideon in his rational mind concluded was needed, God reduced that. You see, God specializes in doing the impossible. We just have to obey him. That is the only part we are to play. God, please help me trust and obey. Amen.

Every Word

I am to the point that I am relying on every word you tell me God. So when you tell me that everything is going to be ok, and I start having anger, panic, frustration with how things are then I am not listening to you. Help me hold onto your words, your promise, your voice. When you tell me things, and the world shows the opposite of what you say, I will hold on. You tell me to obey, then I obey… you tell me this is the way.. then I will not go a different way. You tell me to rely on you, then I will rely on you. I trust you. You honor faith. I am standing on my faith. You are the author and finisher of faith. You tell me that if I am wrong about anything, you will make it clear to me. You alone are faithful.

Trust In Him Alone

Sometimes our negative feelings are there so that we can go deeper in understanding life and our father in heaven. When we feel discouraged in this world, it means that we are not content with what this world has to offer. When we feel down, it seems to be a time of transition for our souls. We learn what we are and what we are not. We learn who are our friends and who are not. We learn that only the father himself is able to satisfy our deepest needs. When the world presents itself it seems that it is often a facade. Only God is real. People act like who they are not, because if we saw them for who they are than maybe we would reject them as they reject themselves. I know that focusing on my own blemishes is full time work and I can see why it would be difficult to have real time for someone else. It is also in the times spent alone that we present ourselves to God as we really are, and the beautiful thing about God is that we do not have to be perfect, but because of his grace we are someone, but because of his long suffering can we grant long suffering to another. I would rather be alone then have fake interactions with others. I would rather be myself and accepted for who I am. In this world we will not find true love unless for his grace.

Chosen

I am chosen. I feel so loved. When I reflect on snippets of my life, I see how God orchestrated me coming into his kingdom and to be used for his purposes. Even now everyday I hear him speak to me and remind me that he loves me, and that I am his, because he chose me. It doesn’t matter if another understands me or not, because he does. It doesn’t matter if another chooses me or rejects me, because what they don’t know is that he orchestrates all of it. Those who “chose” me do so because he works in their hearts to, and those who reject me are his way of guiding me into other areas of prosperity that doesn’t include them. I am “chosen” by those friends who I have been given, even the ones who love me the most. I hear more than once from a couple of them, who say to me, “I chose you” to make it clear to me that they chose me first, it wasn’t the other way around. The same is true with God. We think we have chosen him, but the truth is that no one can come to him unless he draws them to himself. He chose me, he created me with a destiny and has orchestrated all my circumstances to lead me to that very purpose. How does it feel to be chosen AND designed by God? This means that I can no longer put myself down in a way that says I am garbage, because I am not, rather I am chosen and special. I am chosen because he loves me and wants me to be with him in heaven. I am chosen because he wants me to love him as much as he loves me. I am chosen so I am special. Who is greater than my heavenly creator and king? Who can court me and ask me to marry them that would be a better mate than the lover of my soul? Only the best for his children. Thank you for choosing me Lord, I love you and I am blessed. Please help me fulfill your high calling you know the needs of my heart help me accomplish them. Thank you Jesus for everything. I love you.

Turn Your Eyes To Him

“But, I don’t see God”, one might say. Turn your eyes to him, turn around and look at him, he is there. We don’t “see” him because we are not looking at him, instead we are looking at something else. We are looking at a care of the world, a desire that is rooted in the world, we are looking at a project, a chore, a job, a fun activity, a book, a movie, a drawing, the clouds, the back of our eye lids. Every time we look for him, we will find him. Here is a secret. Looking at his word is the same as looking at him. Looking at the law of freedom gives us freedom and shows us who we truly are, and it is the same as looking at God, because he is the truth. Does that mean that God is some kind of metaphor for truth, not at all. Rather, God was and is, and then his words were written in a book, and came to earth in the form of Jesus, and then came to earth as his holy spirit who resides in each of us who have embraced the truth. The truth IS God, but God is still God. Selah.

Weak

I have felt weak my whole life, as far back as I can remember. I was a timid child, very sensitive and shy. I felt more comfortable playing by myself. I never grew out of that. I still have that small, timid child inside of me. I have discovered even at a young age that it was a weakness to be so sensitive and to care so much. Everything I took personally. Sometimes I still take things personally even when it wasn’t meant to be. I’ve been told so many times throughout my life I needed more confidence and that I shouldn’t care what people think about me. I also had a huge sensitivity towards others. When I was young I wanted to help people and counsel them. I always cared so much about making other people feel important and loved, all the while many people did not care when they made me feel unloved and unimportant. Now that I’m grown up I am still learning like a child. I suppose there is truth to postings that people who grow old still feel young inside and are even themselves shocked when they see their wrinkles in the mirror, wondering what had happened to them. There was a time when I thought that 40 years old was so old, but now that I am 40 years old I am afraid that I won’t have this life figured out before it is time to die. Life is but a breath for sure. One minute you are here, the next you are gone.

However, there are benefits to being 40 years old and that is I have new clarity about the meaning of life. When I was young I felt that being sensitive meant that I was weak, and that weak meant I was inferior, and that inferior meant that I was not valuable. The truth now as I see it is that Satan spent my whole life at my side driving that lie into my mind so that I would not see just how strong my weakness was, and how superior being inferior truly is. The bible says that those moments when we become weak, we then become strong. There is much strength and courage involved when I step out into the world, sensing the needs and feelings of other people around me, and still being able to look them in their eyes and have a conversation with them that is disconnected. It is courageous when I dare to believe the best in a person and value what they tell me when they’ve actually told me a lie, and even more courageous to love someone I know they are telling me a lie but are pretending they are not.

To have a sensitive heart and still be able to give a piece of it over and over again to people who will hurt it without a second thought is strength. To be misunderstood, to be rejected or used is a part of living as a human. However, the strength that comes from having a sensitive heart is to be able to forgive and understand as well. I have learned as I’ve grown older that as long as I am ok with myself, then it won’t matter if someone understood me or not. Yes, sometimes it is still disappointing, that is natural to feel that way, however as long as my confidence is not dependent on what that person thinks of me then I am ok. My job my suffer in a work environment in which another’s perspective and perception is what determines the security of your position, that sucks when that happens, because popular opinion always wins rather than integrity and truth. That is ok though, because the truth of the matter is that the trials and disappointments in our lives all serve one major purpose, and that is to prove what we base our trust in. Is my foundation for happiness based on my job position? No. Peace of mind maybe, until even then I learn that God always provides, even if it is a life lesson learned on the street. When we learn to embrace our weaknesses and instead see the strength in them, then we indeed become as strong as our greatest weakness. My trust is in the Lord and his word. I know that nothing can happen to me except for what he allows, and I’m not going to lie, I do fear what is coming up next because life has been like a roller coaster ride, just like a person might cringe as they know that a sudden turn or twist will surely appear any moment. However, I have learned to thrill of the roller coaster in that I really do not know what new lesson God is going to bring my way, because when I am weak, then I am strong.

Resting In Him

We don’t begin to truly rest in God until we take our hands off of the driver’s wheel. People are so prone to thinking that they have to maintain control of the vehicle, otherwise it might crash. Not so for the Christian. We are told that if we want to save our lives, then we must lose them for his sake. This means that we surrender to his sovereignty and give Jesus the wheel… “but, but, but… ” there it is, the resistance. “If I take my hands off the wheel then I will crash”. That mentality implies a belief that you are on your own. Do you believe? This is the key question. We are told that when we believe, we enter his rest. When we trust him, we rest.

Isaiah 26:3 New King James Version (NKJV)

You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

Who doesn’t desire to be at peace? Yet we don’t want to practice the art of trusting God. Sometimes it is a matter of not understanding how much God loves you and wants what is good for you. If we don’t have a revelation on the inside that God deeply loves us and cares about our well being, then surely this would explain why we wouldn’t give the wheel to him. When we hold onto the wheel, then that means that we think that we have the ability to keep ourselves safe. Sometimes what is required for us to hand over the driver’s wheel to the Lord is to get to the place in our lives that we understand that we are weak and blind and really don’t have a clue where we are going, though up to this point we may been deceived and thought we had the answers. It is never a shameful thing to admit that we don’t have a clue. On the contrary, when we throw our hands up in the air and confess “hey, I don’t have a clue” then we are right where we are meant to be, in a place of surrender. This place of surrender must take place before we can relinquish the wheel to another, which should always be Jesus and not a blind man who is still claiming that he has a clue. Satan aka the world has taught us that maintaining our ego and pride was the way to be a mature person, however according to God’s book, it is when we admit our weakness, first to ourselves and then to God, maybe even to others (which doesn’t matter what other people think at this point in time), then we are finally in a place of being lifted up and being made strong. For it is the meek who shall inherit the earth. Not the know it Alls. Lord Jesus, thank you for taking the wheel. Thank you for taking me to a place of surrender in which I can finally give the wheel to you. This is what I do now, I dwell in the comfortable place of safety under his wings. I talk to him, I draw near to him, and I stop fighting for my ways by his grace and let him have his ways… wow, what a relief to let someone else be in charge for once.