Where can I go that you that you won’t be there? Why do I act as if I have to get your attention when you are already there? I don’t have to attract you, you pursued me before I even knew who you were. What can I do that would separate me from your love? Can anything separate me from your love? My only limitation has been my own lack of understanding, but since you are everywhere, then why do I have to be limited? If I need your help, I only have to ask. You are there. Everywhere I go, you are there. You are near me, you are not far. You know how many hairs I have on my head, and you have designed me to have many. What is wrong inside of me Lord? Find that thing. Whatever it is that seeks to pervert my idea of you, or get in between my understanding of you, please seek it and destroy it Jesus. Bring every thought within me and around me into the submission of your will and stoke the Holy Ghost fire. Every time something is sent to distract me Lord, please use it as tinder to cause a bigger blaze of fire. Oh my soul, why ever be downcast within me, Jesus is greater than he who is in the world. When he hung on the cross at Calvary and rose again to take his rightful place on the throne of my soul he rested from his work and said it was done. The final touches that were needed to seal the deal of my salvation were done when for the pardon of my iniquities he died on that cross. Thoughts come against my very sense of self-worth and accomplishment. Bullets have always been aimed at my head to steal my light. People, even God fearing people want to help Satan to try to dim the natural light within my soul without even knowing it. Lord, you have made my enemies stepping stones and tinder for the fire that you meant to burn so bright. My enemies kneel down and help me step up, up and up until I truly am a city on a hill so that I can magnify you over the entire earth. Who can put out this Holy flame? I am the bride of Christ.
I looked down at my child and saw that they were anxious. This bothered me, I had no pleasure from it. This got me thinking about us and God our heavenly father. Humans are not equipped for anxiety. We were not meant to be burdened. What causes us to be burdened is trying to figure out things or to try to do things independent of God. God does not want his children to be anxious, and when he sees us anxious he does not like it. What is that thing you are thinking about that has you feeling fretful? He says, “my child, be anxious for nothing, I will take care of you”. Why then we might ask, has he not taken care of me yet? The next question you should ask yourself is this, have you taken your cares to him.. and… waited for him to answer? You see, I am very good about taking my cares to him, but waiting for him to move is another ball game. He says, “I am able”. When we know he cares about us, and I mean about every little thing that concerns us, then we will run to him. Think about the time you had a friend who cared about you and you felt you could safely run to them and be yourself. That is God, he is “that” friend. Maybe you have never had a friend like that, well guess what, God is that friend you have missed and longed for. He is the comforter for your soul. He is not imagined, he is, as he says “I am that I am”. He is the great, “I am”. He is it all. He is all you have ever hoped for or imagined. You don’t believe me? Try him. He says, “taste and see that I am good”. Go to him with that very thing that is making you feel worried, talk to him about it, ask him for a solution, and then.. wait…. he will counsel you he is waiting for you to truly seek him, seek his face. Get to know home. God I am so grateful that I have a God who is perfect like you. I am so grateful that you are slow to anger and full of mercy. Thank you for your promises that we can trust. You say that when we seek you first everything else will be added to us. I count on it father, my God who cares.
You are always the same. No matter how I feel, you are there, and you care about what I need. That has been the most liberating experience that I’ve had since I’ve been in a relationship with you my Lord. If I turn my thoughts to you, you keep me in perfect peace. Because when I turn my thoughts to you, I see that you are with me. You have always been there, but when I consider you, I can see your presence better. Not only this, but you are your own being, so even when I’m not consciously thinking about you, you speak up and remind me that you are with me. That is pleasant. Lately when I have a worry start to crop up, as it seems there is always something to concern ourselves about, you have started reminding me that you know what I need. Sometimes when we accept where we are, and what we have vs what we don’t yet have, then that is when you change things. Maybe you won’t change something right away, and often times you don’t. Why? We shouldn’t concern ourselves with earthly things that we have no control over. I realize that even if I suddenly had that one thing that I think would make me feel better, I might experience relief for a few days before my mind moves on to the next thing that needs fixed. While we are here on earth, there will always be something that needs fixed, and if we get upset over what needs fixed, then we will always be upset. Maybe having missing puzzle pieces is meant so that you can show us how you put together the most beautiful puzzle. It is almost like a surprise if we think about it. We see that missing puzzle piece all the time, but every time we pass by it, we wonder to ourselves, “what will it look like when he places that piece in?” Those missing puzzle pieces are meant to be filled in by him, some pieces a little faster then others, but always it is perfect. Let us think about the problems in our lives as small inconveniences that will be satisfied soon enough in a way that makes more pieces fit together to be something grand and beautiful, instead of failures on our part for having missing pieces.
Romans 8:28 New International Version (NIV)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
Isaiah 26:3 New King James Version (NKJV)
3 You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
2 Corinthians 4:17 New International Version (NIV)
17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
Today I heard you tell me you were pleased with me, and that you are going to make everything in my life work out for my favor as you prepare a table before me with its luscious feast. I stopped and asked myself, “wait, did I even pray today?”. Yes, of course I always pray but today was not one of those days that I felt overly spiritual. I’ve made some attempts to press in yesterday but was met with meditation on things you were doing in my life instead. So I asked myself, what did I do? I searched my memory for what I did to please you and earn your reward of making everything turn out the way I have always hoped. I had a few ideas, but I heard you say, “just keep leaning on my word”. On my commute home today I felt your love again, you told me that you were very pleased with me and that you love me. I pondered about this some more. Even though I myself preach grace and love not works, I myself have an underlying tendency to try to earn your love and approval. It is human instinct? Or maybe just experience of growing up in a desert with little love. I always want to know, what did I do so that I can do it more. I don’t want to lose this love, I don’t want to lose this favor. Of course I want everything in my life to work for my favor. Of course I want the greatest riches I can have, which is having you close to my heart. And then it occurred to me…. I have done nothing to earn this love. You love me because you made me, and I was made to be intimate with you. You are not a formula that is a result of combining ingredients. You are not a riddle to be solved. You love me because I am yours and you chose me. You sought me, you knew me before I was ever born and had me in mind when you died on the cross for me. You did that for me. You came to earth in the form of a man to be despised and tempted like a man, and to be hurt, ridiculed, and broken like a man, because you thought about me. We error when we think that we have chosen you and that we have earned you, no you chose us and you bought us with your blood. You paid the bride price with human sacrifice. You know you, you made me to know you so that I can praise you all the rest of my life. What have I done except to be given the title of the bride of Christ, the child of the most high God. Thank you for being a permanent fixture in my life. I have not chosen wrong.
When people hurt you and are often fake, it is scary to dwell among them. The minute you open up to one of them it seems that is the moment that you are again reminded that people are not safe. Oh how great it is to have a good friend who you can share your deepest, inner most secrets with. Oh wait, what did they say about you? But.. I thought they understood me… but.. I thought they cared.. I thought they were safe, oh my bad for ever believing in a person.. once again I made a mistake. My life is set up to be exactly this way… why? Because this is what it takes for me to see that there is only one who is safe. He stands at the door.. waiting for me, watching me, loving me. I am his, I was designed just so that he can have me to be intimate with. No one else will share my glory he says to me, you have been created just for me. You have allowed me to chase after man.. you watched as I turned away and sought them instead, therefore every single “man” I turn to will be great a disappointment, why? Because you are standing in the doorway watching me, you know what I need, what I crave, what I desire, and it is a deep deep need for intimacy… but… this person does not suffice, that person doesn’t fit the bill, oh wait maybe this man will.. oh dang, no they didn’t, .. I search and I search and I search, and you are waiting, standing in the door way watching… finally I am utterly alone, disappointed, I remember you, and I call to you, you’ve always been there. You’ve always loved me perfectly. You’ve always been faithful to me, you are what I’ve always sought and craved. You are beautiful.. you are strong, you are wise, you are perfect….. salve for my heart, salve for my soul…. you reach out to me, even as I go about my business I feel your caress on my cheek, you love me and you just wanted me to be aware, that I was created just for you, you are my lover, I am fashioned to be yours to cherish and care for… oh how lucky I am I have been honored above all others because I have been prepared for the perfect lover and I am yours and you are mine and you I adore. I am safe.
I am told all the time, “it is well with you”. I am well because thanks to your grace I am understanding that I have not been well. I have had so many traumas and disappointments and they had taken their toll. However I am well because you are making me well. You tell me to expose myself to the light, to show you what is going on on the inside, things I do not want to see myself. I am not well. I am well because my hope is in you. I am well because I’m now very connected to you. I am well because it is just me and you. I can talk about how I feel because it is safe. I am not well Lord, but I am well now because with you I am safe.
The word Knew here is related to a person who walks in the light compared to a person walking in the darkness. The difference between a person who walks in the light verses the darkness is a person who is open, forthcoming and true. You see, when we are not forthcoming with our answers to ourselves and to God then we become one who is deceived. The word describes a light that is shining in the darkness. A light is illuminating, it exposes all the things that are hidden by a cover of darkness. When the light is turned on, then we can see what is really in the room. When we can see what is in the room then we can see clearly whether the objects are clean or something useful, or old rubbish that needs to be thrown away. We can find our belongings, our clothing, the tools that we need to function and live in life. It would be impossible to clean our room of impurities if you cannot see the true cleanliness of an object in the darkness. You could try to cleanse it in the water by touch, and rub it with your hands or a towel and then think it is clean, until you turn on the light and discover that it is not. The Lord says to you, “look, I know that you have dirty objects in your room, I’m not here to judge but rather to cleanse your room, however I am unable to help you become clean unless you allow me to turn on a light”. Because of our shame we try to hide our dirty objects in the dark, but to make ourselves feel clean we might go into a corner of the room and rub an object with a hand towel and call it good, so that we can ease our conscience and so that the father of lights, who is God the creator who is clean and pure won’t be able to see just how dirty the object is. The deceptive cleansing can be likened to one who says a quick prayer at bedtime or reads a chapter out of the bible every now and then so that they can feel holy, however they never truly become clean because, they refuse to turn on the light so that they themselves can properly face the dirt in their home and deal with it, although the bible says that we cannot cleanse ourselves sufficiently. It is not our responsibility to cleanse ourselves because God said that he would do that for us, all that he asks is that we turn on the lights so that both you and him can see the needs properly, and then he himself will cleanse your dirty home. The dirty home I am referring to is the room in your heart where old habits, mistakes, ugly behaviors and secrets reside. If we say that we don’t have dirt in our hearts, if we say that we don’t have sin, then we lie and there is no light in us. We must choose to open the door and turn on the light, exposing the contents to God and confess that we have a problem if we are ever to have fellowship with him, because he is light, and in him there is no darkness. This light is likened to the pureness as far as motives and true righteousness is concerned. When we remain in the dark, we do not reside with God. If we ever want to walk with God and enter into his kingdom of light, we must first step into the light and abandon the lies. You see, a person who says that they know God, while never turning on the light, despite how many scriptures that they can recite or how well they can teach a bible lesson or the miracles they might be able to perform, the Lord will address their claim to be his disciple on judgement day and say to him, “depart from me, I never knew you”, because that deceived man or woman thought that their vain attempts at cleansing themselves while never exposing the contents of their room to God who only dwells in the light, the Lord will be accurate to say that he never knew him because he dwelled in darkness, and not in the light so the Lord never saw him he was hidden from his sight. Make no mistake, if you are to be saved, you must be real about everything before the father of lights.
1 John 1:5-10
5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
We will say to him, “but I prophesied in your name, I cast demons out in your name”, but here’s a deeper look at this let us get this:
We have a front that we are presenting to him, how we want to be seen by him, but that is not who we really are on the inside, and when he looks at you he wants to see the inside, and because you won’t allow him to see the whole truth, then the “you” you hope he’ll see is not who you truly are and he will not ever truly know you. Do you get it?
Selah, let us think about this