Demonic Whispers

anxiousthoughts

Most people who don’t know the truth believe that our mental disorders are medical diseases.  Science has proven that there are certain brain chemistry changes in people with diverse mental diseases.  This helps aid the development of medication to help stabilize the nerve synapses and the hormone levels.  Being a medical professional myself, I advocate taking medication to help treat all of our illnesses.

Yet, as a Holy Spirit filled Christian who has been taught a lot about the unseen realm of the supernatural, which is confirmed by the Holy Bible, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that science will never trump God’s truth.  As a matter of fact, science only evolves to finally conclude the ultimate truth, which is the Holy word of God.

According to the word of God which yes was written over a thousand years ago, inspired by the Holy Spirit, we are taught that the earth that we see, is built on the word of God.  The earth manifests God’s truth, it will never dispel it.  And in the areas where it has not yet evolved, it is temporarily ignorant.  One truth that I have found to prove that is the development of CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy which is probably the most effective behavioral modification program that teaches us to learn how to change our behaviors by first changing our thoughts, all the while it has been written in the ancient Holy Bible that we are to place our thoughts on things above.

As we dig into the bible and are enlightened through the power of the Holy Spirit (by the way, if you have never been saved you will not likely experience this enlightenment, because with salvation comes the Holy Spirit who teaches us the truth by the word of God, you can be a bible scholar and still not know the truth), we learn some valuable lessons about spiritual warfare.  We are told that our battle is not with flesh and blood, but with spiritual powers and wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12).  The real truth of the matter is that what we see from a science lab is a physical manifestation of a spiritual transformation.

All those low things that plague us, anxious thoughts, feelings of hopelessness and suicide, feelings of low self-worth, lust, pride.. the list is endless are geared by demonic whispers.  We have believed those whispers, embracing them as our own tainted thoughts.  I believe that taking medication and going to counseling is a worldly way of trying to resolve a spiritual issue.  Whereas, if we deal with the demonic stronghold behind those whispers, the cause of the psychological wound stops.

I had experienced depression with suicidal ideations since childhood.  When I was a young adult I was diagnosed with some mood and anxiety disorders and given medication to take.  The doctor told me that it would only get worse as I aged and that I would likely end up being hospitalized for it.  I would take the medication, stop the medication, take it, stop it.  At one point I accepted that I would always be dependent on psychotropic medications for the rest of my life, and that having major depression would always be my disability in life.  Then God started exposing the truth to me, he brought many anointed prophets into my life to pray for me, and then Satan was exposed and I was delivered from that spiritual bondage.  I can truly say that I am no longer oppressed or depressed.  I just don’t have that problem anymore.  Through God’s intervention, the lie of depression was exposed, the root cause being exposed then with that truth and prayer that issue was resolved.  I’d been healed, hallelujah.  Do I still have bad days?  Sure.  Do I get down sometimes?  Yes.  Though I would never call it depression because it isn’t like that anymore, maybe sad or discouraged.  Those feelings are normal, but depression, major depression, and the like are not.

There is so much more to say on this topic but I’ll conclude this topic for now and pick it back up another day as I’m led.  What thoughts are you experiencing today that have you anxious, confused, discouraged, depressed, hopeless, irritated?  Any that you are aware of?  You think they are really your thoughts, but are they really?

Lord, please expose the enemy and guide us into all the truth so that we can be freed from captivity.  Thank You God.  Amen.

A woman holds a glowing Bible with scary hands in the background.

That Is Hunger….

hunger

 

That lack of satisfaction with something in your life, that is called hunger.  That need to change something about yourself which never goes away even when you justify it, that is hunger.  That lack of peace and happiness you feel, that is hunger.  Hunger is similar to the empty, burning you feel in your stomach pouch when your body runs low on fuel, sometimes hunger is manifested in other areas of your body, such as weakness, tiredness, irritability.  Those who have low blood sugar often feel the pains of hunger and learn to easily identify when they need to eat.  It is common knowledge that those of us who overeat on food, are often try to substitute soul hunger for physical hunger.  We even are so convinced that it is hard to train our brain otherwise, stressful eventual= sudden irresistible urge to raid the fridge or order a cheesy pizza.. or .. fill in the blank.

The bible speaks much about soul hunger, and even tells us the name of it, giving it a label for those of us who like and rely on labels, this label can help us identify what we are actually hungry for.  This label is called, “righteousness”.  Yes, we are deeply hungry for righteousness, to the point that without it we may whither away and die in our souls.  The Lord has helped me become familiar with this new label, and as I seek him when I’m feeling dissatisfied, he is teaching me why.  True, we humans often have emotions or a longing for something and we can’t even identify what the need is.  Some of us who believe we are smart in our rights will often label it ourselves, but we are told that this is foolishness, and to fear God and not rely on our own understanding.  He says, “acknowledge me in all your ways and I will make your paths straight”.  As smart as I think that I am, I have learned that I really know nothing unless the Lord teaches me.  So all that I have is from him.  I know much only because I seek him much as a clueless vessel.  “Lord, please help me know, I don’t have a clue”.  He honors that, he is merciful and expands my understanding a lot.  I cannot brag, it is all from him because I admit I don’t have a clue.  When we humble ourselves before him, he will lift us up.  Humility is simply understanding who the credit truly belongs to, that is all.  Those who believe it is because they are naturally smarter than everyone else, are truly the foolish ones, and those who are the dumb and weak in the world, God will lift them up.  Actually, we are all the same to God, foolish or humble, he exalts all who ask because he gives graciously to all without finding fault (James 1:5).

So, as I was saying, when I ask God, “why am I feel dissatisfied, why do I feel discontent?”  He reminds me of something that I have been struggling with for as long as I can recall, and I think of all the ways I have tried to overcame, only to fail.  How I’ve tried to accept it, how at moments of weakness I make excuses and justify it, making room for the flesh.  The bottom line is, even though my flesh is so entrenched and does not want to  change, but Jesus died so that I can have freedom from that.  That is called  being dead in the flesh.  As long as I live according to the old dead man, I will reap soul death.  Jesus died so that I can overcome and rise above.

If I was content living in that state of old ways and having soul death, then I wouldn’t need a Savior nor would I have hope for something better.  Yet, because I have been saved by grace through faith, I been promised new life, and for this reason I am dissatisfied.  That is called soul hunger.  That has been given a label which Jesus called, “righteousness”.  He said, “blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied (Matthew 5:6).  If you are a Christian, and are feeling dissatisfied, I assure you that you are hungry.  Sure, you believe you are hungry for _______..  fill in the blank but I’m predicting what you think belongs in that blank is a desire you have been longing for, but that is not what you are hungry for.  What you and I and every person hungers for is to be righteous.  The dead hunger for life, those who have never been born again.  They are at risk of never obtaining true life as long as they reject the truth and embrace Satan’s lie that there is no true salvation nor purpose in this life.  They say coping is the way to handle this life, to make the best of it, and then expect to die, the end.  Those who are saved, long for fullness of life.  They long to step out of the chicken coop and soar above the storm, because they are now an eagle though in their old way of believing they still live as if they are a chicken who can only hop, flapping its wings and go so far.  We all are meant to soar.  Soaring is being alive, identifying with life, and this begins with dissatisfaction.  Friends, that dissatisfaction is a gift.  It is called, “hunger and thirst for righteousness”.  Until we meet that need, and rise above our old ways of thinking and believing, then we will never have that need quenched.  There is no substitute for it.  It is time to stop believing that you can’t, or that you don’t want to change, because that is a lie.  Instead, let that hunger motivate you to seek what truly satisfies.

When I understand that this intense hunger is a need to overcome, then I also realize there is more aggression to overcome.  I don’t want to be held back any longer.  I don’t want to be passively accept status quo.  I can’t.  I’m hungry.  When a person truly becomes hungry enough, they cannot ignore it anymore.  At some point they stop waiting for food to fall in their life.  If they have no food in the fridge or no money to buy more, than they will beg or start looking in other people’s dumpsters.  When we have a hunger for righteousness, we can get so hungry that we will do whatever we have to do to be filled.  Thank You Lord Jesus for giving us this hunger.  Surely those who have it and see it for what it is, will finally be satisfied.

Rejections, Acceptance, and Waiting

rejection

I could go into detail about my own personal trials, but I don’t think the details matter, plus they might bore some.  I think that we all experience rejection of some kind, when what we seek after or hope for ends in disappointment.  It turns out that the things that we think we need or want are not always part of God’s plan.  Sometimes when we really want something, Satan will tease us with a counterfeit that at the moment seems like everything we ever dreamed up.. but wait.  Then, after we set our heart on it, our hopes are disappointed.  I suppose part of the difficulty in waiting is actually  waiting.  I could have said yes when counterfeits presented itself, or pushed for them, yet I didn’t.  For that I am grateful.  The times when I would have clung to that counterfeit blessing, God closed the door or intervened somehow.  We can be confident that all things in are God’s control.    One thing is clear that despite what our personal trial is, as we wait there is something greater in store for us.  James 1:4 explains to us that when we experience trials and are forced to wait for better times, then it makes us perfect.  Once we are made perfect, then we don’t lack any good thing.  God is certainly able to give us what we need right now, he could bring us riches, a perfect partner, a child, fame or popularity, restored health right now.  Surely his word even explains to us that it is his plan to make us prosper.  Yet, it is God’s plan to make us truly prosper and we are also told that any good thing we have on earth, is only momentary.  Even when he finally gives us what he has promised to us, we won’t have what is needed to be truly perfect and have lasting wellness, until a greater work is done within our heart, our understanding, our soul.  As I’ve waited to have the perfect relationship, hoping to get rid of the loneliness I feel or adding increased satisfaction to me and my family, something has happened.  My needs and desires have changed, and are still evolving.  For surely our light and momentary afflictions are truly only light and momentary compared to the greater glory that will result (2 Corinthians 4:17).  We have three choices the way I see it, we can either rush the process, taking control and grabbing hold of the counterfeit, which will lead to even greater disappointment.  We can be miserable and sulk while we wait, getting angry, rebellious, having a bad attitude, becoming hopeless and frustrated, which does not rush the process it just only adds to our suffering, or we can wait, pray, praise God and focus on what he wants us to focus on.  Hebrews chpt. 12 have much to say about enduring hardship and sufferings, in which we are encouraged to think of our trials as God’s discipline, not the kind of discipline that we call punishment, but rather discipline as in training.  In Hebrews 12:11 we are told something very important, that “if” we are trained by it, we will reap a harvest of righteousness that will be so satisfying.  The key word is “if”.  This has told me that my attitude during personal trials will determine “if” I am being trained by them, or if I am just being like a child and having a tantrum.  We have a choice.  Trials are allowed from God for one purpose, and that is to train us.   The old testament is full of evidence that supports that God used trials to win back his children, to bring them to repentance and to train them, changing their hearts, but many of his children grew rebellious.  The crew that were delivered from Pharoh in Exodus are an example of children with stinky attitudes that chose to have disbelief, despite the miraculous works that they had witnessed, who lacked trust though they tested God repeatedly, and who God finally decided to not allow them to inherit the blessing that he was leading them to in the first place.  I don’t want to become that obstinate, willfully rebellious child who God finally decides not to give me the inheritance he had promised.  I want to be trained, I will take my licks and learn my lessons, and afterwards I will be grateful and trust him regardless of what he dishes out to me.  You want to give me manna rather than meat, ok God done.  Yum.  Am I getting irritated again, ok Lord I’m sorry my flesh grows weak sometimes please have mercy on me and please don’t stop guiding and correcting me, but do what you feel is needed so that I will repent.  I am yours Lord, I want what you plan to give me, and if it is only the desert place then I will praise you for it because father knows best.  I trust God.  I believe.  He is my portion.  Change me Lord, amen.

Just Give Me Jesus

Ive been experiencing a loneliness that comes from feeling unloved and uncared about in a real way by many in my life . This has turned into a call to separate from people for the most part and spend time with God. The truth is that only God is able to meet me in the deepest way that I need. I hear scriptures play in my thoughts, that in his presence is fullness of joy. When we enter a time of disenchantment with people and life.. it is also connected to a need for something more. We are told that those who belong to God don’t consider earth their home.. in other words we groan and crave for something more lasting, more complete, more whole. I think sometimes it would be nice to have a partner to do things with, to watch a show with, to spend time with. But I’ve had that and it was a big dissapointment because they didnt want to do what i wanted to do, and I depended on them to meet the deepest needs in me. That failed, they failed, I was miserable.. and so were they because I was. I now cannot think of a single person or single thing in life that can complete me.. if I had found contentment with anyone or anything else then I wouldnt be so hungry for God. I am so hungry for him.. and as I enter into his presence I am fulfilled . I have many material needs in my life , always one stress after another after another .. tithing seems to help my view of money but not my bank account. I finally see these issues for what they are, distractions. Because they keep coming and coming. I prayed to God for the umpteenth time about these things and he didnt even respond to those issues.. he tells me to come away with him and to spend time thinking about what is important. The storms keep raging on but they won’t keep me distracted . I will focus on God. I will enter the holiest place, the safest place whixh is his presence. Not trying to figure out the answers because we don’t know how God will provide.. we cannot rationalize those things. I just need to know one thing, his grace is enough. His voice is enough , his word is enough. His love is enough. Amen. Now im finding that i have a great peace within me, a joy, a glow.. no im not perfect, but I know God is with me.. That is really all I need. As long as he’s with me, all else matters not. Just please never leave me I ask him, and he says he won’t . This is the greatest love story . It can be everyones. We don’t have to have that person, that recognition, that promotion, that need met..

Just give me Jesus 💖

Time Alone With God

I prefer to have someone to talk to, yet at times I don’t have that special friend. Or, I’ll find someone to talk to, but the deeper need isn’t met. Why? Because no one satisfies like you. It is time alone spent with you that I am changed. Sometimes I think about how I lack. How I am not this or that. I go back to thinking about men, always expecting them to reject me. When they accept me, I still don’t feel the deeper satisfaction of being understood, cared about, truly seen and loved. Just hearing, “I love you”, isn’t enough. Just being told, “you are pretty” isn’t enough. No matter where I turn, someone else is prettier, smarter, more mature, sweeter, wittier. It is not a contest for sure. Every person is put on this earth to shine, and for a purpose. I can celebrate when another woman shines and gets that love she’s always wanted. I just want to be satisfied. It is still clear to me God, that I will only get that need satisfied in you, and I am reminded that you alone know every need I have and are able to meet it. You are shaping me, molding me, changing my shape, strengthening my faith. Teaching me to hear your voice and hold strongly to it, because all kinds of things make me want to deviate.. but you are with me. God, help me get go even deeper with you. I want to get even closer to you. I want to know you so intimately. You are surely the best lover, my soul was made to celebrate you and to be loved by you. You came down to save me. Help me to let you be the leader. Teach me. You have stepped back and let me do things my own way, I want your way. Please teach me. I don’t know how to follow you unless you show me. I don’t know how to do anything unless you guide me. I want to learn. Here’s what I need more, you impressed on me… I need to trust you. I need to know that when I am not even thinking about you, that you are bigger, that you are there, that you have not abandoned me. You spoke that word to me yesterday, you said, “I have not abandoned you”, and I even asked you what you meant, confused because I wasn’t consciously thinking you abandoned me. Now you are showing me. what you really meant by saying that to me is that… even if I go about my merry way, you care and watch over me. You care about me. I don’t have to beg you to pay attention to me. You are bigger than me. You have not left me alone to figure things out. I am not alone. You have not left me. You are still there, you are still here. You are near to me. Others often leave me. Others often don’t care. They care but not when I need them to care, or like I like them to care. You knitted me in my mother’s womb. You have always watched over me. I know this, yet I still try to take care of everything by myself and I act like I’m alone. I cannot do anything on my own. Please show me just how much you care about me. Please take care of me. Let this revelation go deep. Thank you Lord. Amen.

Walls

wallsA little more than a year ago i experienced a traumatic heart break in which an ex fiance betrayed me and it was a major shock. He was my last hope at a surviving relationship . We both had come from heart breaks and broken pasts and we used to tell eachother that if we didn’t last, neither of us had it in us to try to have a relationship again. We were both that damaged and broken . He looked me in the eyes and told me how wonderful I was and how dumb the men before me were and promised never to hurt me. For the first time in my life I began to relax and feel like everything would be alright , and then he betrayed me.

This ended up being the best thing that happened in my life. This was the point of surrender for me. Up until this point I had loved the Lord but I had not submitted to him in the area of my love life, and when we don’t submit in one area we end up not submitting in many areas .

The Lord Jesus came to me in spirit one morning when I was heart broke, and put his arm around my shoulders, comforting me. He reminded me of the woman at the well who had had many husbands and also lived with a current man who she wasnt married to, and then they had a conversation about living water verses the water that the world gave. It wasn’t a coincidence that this woman was in her 5th relationship and Jesus told her that those who drink from the water the world gives would thirst again… this was my life. Because i was drinking world water and not the living water I kept having failed relationships . I was the woman at the well. I made a decision that day that from then on I would truly surrender my life to him, especially my relationships. I had tasted the water the world gave me and i kept thirsting. They all failed me, they all hurt me, betrayed me, lied to me, didn’t give me what i longed and craved for.. perfect love .

After I had rededicated my life to the Lord, I knew I would need strength because men had always been my idol next to God.. So i joined a Christian singles site (better than a dating site) so that i could find motivation and strength from other Christians who also sought to be single like me.. or so I thought .. anyways I met many friends and this changed my life…

At first I was prepared to be single for the rest of my days, but the Lord told me he was bringing me a husband because he felt I needed one. I told him that only in him would I ever be able trust again.. I’ve had hope to trust again, but I knew that this was impossible without God..

Today I now see differently by his grace . By his grace I’ve learned that in my years of being hurt Ive built walls, these structures in my mind come now as automatic thoughts… no one can be trusted they say, when the men say the right things my mind says “they all say the right things”, when the men appear right, my mind says “yeah but the devil is a skilled liar and pretender” the men say.. “but im not your ex” but my mind says, “yeah yeah yeah I’ve heard this before ” the men say, “you want someone perfect” and my mind says, “yes i have him, his name is Jesus and you are not it”… the men say, “you need to get over it, move on” my mind says..”i cannot force that you don’t understand “.. the man says, “i cannot be with someone who doubts me” my mind says, “then you are with the wrong person i am unable to trust anyone”.

I’ve struggled with this because how can one have the need and urge to be with someone, yet be hopeless at the same time? “You need counseling Jenifer ” my friend says, my mind says, “years of therapy cannot fix me, because I am unfixable.”

I desperately want to feel safe, not be afraid , but i can’t. The walls my mind have built had become a prison and not a safe haven. But God….

 

 

You see something my friends via the holy spirit have been saying to me lately is.. you cannot have faith and doubt at the same time, you cannot have certainty and fear at the same time… the break through came when i understood that I had to make a Choice. Either I believe God or I don’t . My friend said, “are you going to believe God that he will keep you safe and deliver you?”.. the key is to not be anxious but to run to God for everything, and… if he says something, I don’t allow contrary feelings and thoughts to deture me. I also discovered that there is a strong contrary voice with me so i stand against Satan by not only rebuking him… because I got a revelation today that after i was mistreated by one of my exes id had this controlling, unclean spirit with me so i rebuked that by his grace. Now I have a different belief. A year ago I said “I cannot trust anyone “, now I can say sincerely that ,”there are plenty of trustworthy men who are faithful and genuine. There are men who truly love God and who would genuinely love me and treat me well”.. i had been raped by Satan.. mind raped mostly .. and now he is being treaded upon under my feet. I believe in the spiritual aspect of freedom from demonic influence that begins with rebuking the devourer, but that is only part of healing . That is pulling out the root of evil. But healing continues as we become reformed in our thinking .. now i see that these automatic thoughts that have been walls forming a prison i couldnt break free from were first built to protect me. With Satan out of the picture we can begin healing, now with God’s grace I seek to be healed of every painful belief.. it also includes reliving painful memories and seeing Jesus with me this time

..all that was done to me was done by Satan and was a weapon meant to destroy me.. but God will restore all that he took from me. Amen.

 

Lonliness

I asked God for a prophetic dream that helped enlighten me and he gave me one , but it was not one I expected . In my dream I was in an apartment building and I enemies after me so I was trying to escape. I first had to retrieve my child and when I came to her and she put her hand in mine I suddenly had a baby in my arms as well. My heart was melting as I looked down at my babies. They were mine and even though I didnt have a man there I felt strong and safe. I felt strength inside of me, giving me knowledge that although I had enemies and had children to protect, my adversary was no match for me. I was stronger then them. I didnt have a man with me yet in this dream I did not feel alone. I felt support in the background.. then as I stood there on the roof with children in arms a helicopter came and I woke up.

Its interesting how weird our dreams can get yet how much we can gain from them. This teaches me that having a lack of a desire does not mean that we lack what we need. Lord keep teaching me so that I will come into all that you have for me and find much godliness with contentment.