Marriage and God’s Plan For My Life?

This is a topic that I have given much attention to and that I feel I should post about today. Why not? Don’t most single people want to remarry? A very few do not they say no, not for me, ever again! Then you have the few that don’t want to, however when they are honest they’ll say “sure, if I find the right person”, this is wise. You know I want to remarry, I did it wrong the first couple of times and now when I think about a third time a few things are happening inside of me. One is major anxiety! Lol.. Like when I have male friends I get close to and start considering this topic with, I lose peace which I feel is from God, but also I feel like there are deeper reasons. One yes there’s a thing called a spirit husband who might need to be dealt with, I’ve had a couple people see this when praying for me. However, I think this is because God really wants me to focus on him right now. Today I asked again “Father, you know I want to get married again” and his response? “Focus on ministry” lol. Not only has he been telling me this in my spirit, however people are starting to come out and tell me this in spirit as they are led. Yet, I still have the desire to marry. I know that this is the “seek ye first his kingdom and the rest will be added unto you” business meaning that as I seek to do the ministry he places on my heart, whether it be blogging, groups, fb, writing, getting established in a new church… and wherever he leads me, then my future spouse will find me. When I start focusing on a man in the natural, because there are so so many good, God fearing men, something happens, I lose peace!! Yet, they are serving to be good practice for me. I am finding out slowly what matters to me. One thing I do not want is someone to try to quench or control me. So many people come into my life to support or help me in prayer, yet as they get close to me they want to start criticizing me. I hate this.. not that I’m not open to correction, but it has to be in line with what the spirit says. And if you are not acting in the spirit then you are acting with the adversary, and I have listened to his voice plenty in my life, telling me I’m not good enough. Get behind me Satan I have a God and you friend are not him. So I’m learning that I don’t need a man to build me up, and if a man does not accept and love me as I am, then our relationship may not be ideal. I am who I am, and I am fine. No, not perfect but let that be between God and I, thank you. Yes I myself have much to learn as well. Maybe I need to learn more submission, maybe I need more attitude adjustment. All I know is that right now I need friends, and I need healing. I had not loved myself enough therefore I allowed people or even latched onto people who didn’t love me enough and then later abandoned me and hurt me in some way. Other then my first spouse, I mainly was the one who hurt him. No, no one is perfect, there is a place where I need forgiveness and to forgive, all of which I’ve already made a choice to do and have to daily keep making that choice. But for now, i really just want a friend. Someone who I do not feel I have to impress but who is there regardless. This is the problem with men who have romantic interest in me, they come with the motive to get romantic with me, and their friendship is conditional. No thanks, though if were not God’s desire that I still seek these friendships then he would change that desire, but he doesn’t. The desire to bond with men on a friendship level is strong. That we may mutually edify and pray for one another. This is all a learning process. But one thing is clear, I want God’s will.. that is the only way! Lord give us all strength and grace to do it your way. Amen.

The Little Things

frustration

Sometimes little things can ruin our day. Little things like the way our morning goes before we even get out the door to get our day started. Maybe we lost our keys, our favorite book, car didn’t start, there are so many things that could go wrong. Maybe it was something someone said. Some things are bigger things than others, but some things that totally upset us are little things. Here’s a secret, even big things are also little things when we consider them in the face of God. 2 Corinthians 4:17 says-“For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison”. So what does it mean that our light and momentary afflictions are working for our eternal glory? Well, when we respond by getting angry, maybe yelling a little, cursing a little, or kicking something (all of which I have been guilty of when getting real frustrated, and kicking something doesn’t help anything except causes a little pain), then this glory isn’t necessarily in the works for us. No, this means that our light and momentary afflictions have the potential to work out for our future glory. We are told in Hebrews chapter 12 to endure hardship as discipline from the Lord. It says that he allows us to have hardship because he is our heavenly father who loves us, and we are given an illustration of how we as evil people rebuke our children, and he rebukes us as well, but for our own good. Hebrews 12:11 states-
“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way”. Do you note that there is a condition here, the condition is that if we are trained by it. A child can either make the disciplinary process productive for themselves, or more grievous. For example, I have a pre-teen daughter who in her hormonal state she is often mean and snotty to her siblings, provoking fights when there doesn’t need to be. In an attempt to correct her I’ve taken away toys or even given her time out. I had given her a choice when given time out, I say to her “when you are ready to quit your attitude, you can come out”. Do you know that this child is so stubborn she will sit there for a very long time still expecting me to tell her that she can come out without changing her attitude or taking any responsibility. She is choosing not to be trained by the discipline she is given and therefore prolongs her disciplinary action, really making it more grievous for herself. This is the way our hardships often work for us as well. Though having a change in attitude doesn’t necessarily take away the hardship, but rather it makes the hardship be cut down to size and this gives us patience and increases our faith and strength.

We are told in James chapter 1 to rejoice when we experience hardships because of the character that it develops and I can relate to this, can you? Have you had a problem that you’ve faced for a very long time that you had prayed and prayed or hoped would go away and have done all you can do to make it go away, yet it really didn’t go away, or rather it took a lot of work and learning to get this weakness under control just to eventually gain character and knowledge that is invaluable in the process? If I am correct, that is what the song “Believer” by Imagine Dragons is about, how the song writer had a life long trial with chronic pain. We wise people learn over time to be grateful for our hardships because we learn that in the long run they develop wonderful things in our character that we cannot obtain otherwise. My personal battle has been with fear. Shortly after I was spirit filled and anointed for great things I experienced the worst fear in my entire life and oppression. It began when I was 17 and made me go a bit crazy in that I prayed constantly to make it go away, and then began a new battle with legalism because in my attempt to make the fear and anxieties go away I attempted to be perfect and follow the law perfectly because I felt very condemned like I had lost my peace with God, my grace and this was extremely traumatic because I was just experiencing the heaven of walking in his spirit. I was later diagnosed with OCD, and attacked it from a medical stand point, which the medication did help. However we are not just physical beings, we are spirit beings. The medication helped ease the strain of fear, but overcoming it took years and year and years of learning, scripture reading and renewing the of the mind, and also deliverance, though this was one spirit that was not going away by the laying on of hands, but rather it has taken getting the truth deep down into my soul. And although it was tormenting I had gotten stronger and stronger and finally it’s about licked, well for the most part. If I had not experienced this fear and then the fight to overcome legalism, learning to be free from the religious spirit then I would not be where I am right now in my understanding and faith. Thank you Jesus. Now, I am experiencing another obstacle that seems to be there to teach me a lesson, and this lesson is to trust God in every situation. Amen, thank you father for the little things that lead to huge lessons. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The Words of a Prophet (part 2)

firebush

The prophetic gift is so amazing. It is a huge blessing to be used by God and also a major responsibility. When a prophet is flowing in the spirit and acting in God’s will then many many people become edified, a church might burst into revival with holy ghost flames, and people are stirred in their own personal gifts.. these seeds or the impregnation with these seeds of God give birth to fruits that include more ministers, more words, more truth, captives are healed and set free and people have direction from above so their focus becomes focused in the direction that God wants.

You see we prophets are the conduits of God’s kingdom. When people receive from us, it is not us in the natural but the heavenly father they are waiting for and who they are held accountable to. When a person receives a prophetic word they are receiving from the Lord. When they act on faith according to this word they are blessed by God for their acts of faith and obedience and when they reject the word of the Lord they are held accountable according to their works by the same Lord. The words leave the mouth of the prophet but the results are according to that person and God. The word says if these give a little one a drink of water in his name, then they are giving a drink to the Lord. This is about Heart attitude.

God also respects and protects the words of a prophet that are given by faith through his spirit. No it is not that we dictate what God does, but this is about #1 his partnership with his chosen, his children and # 2 a fulfillment of his word. When you read what the word speaks about prophets we are lead to understand that a true prophet will be proved by the outcome of his word. If what he says comes to pass then we know the prophet is of God. However let me encourage you more on this brothers and sisters in the Lord. There are times that a prophet will speak of things to come that we may not even see come to pass in our life time.. but yet they still come to pass.

Jesus understood more than anyone this powerful concept. He knew by knowledge given through the holy spirit that he was the one sent by God to he our Messiah as he quoted Isaiah in Luke 4:18

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised”

He knew by faith that he was the one to come and how many years had taken place since the prophet Isaiah was lead to speak this prophesy? Jesus and many other Israelites relied heavily on the words of the prophets back then as they had scrolls from their forefathers. Jesus studied these words and by Gods spirit understood these words and most of his ministry was interpreting the essence of the word of God to everyone. He did essentially “open the eyes of the blind” not only physically but spiritually as well. This is why he said “let those who have ears to hear hear”.

Jesus also waited by God’s leading on the fulfillment of the words of the prophets because he was shown by God that the fulfillment of these words had to take place as he said Luke 24:44

“He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the psalms” he like us waited on God to bring about the fulfillment of his word, the prophetic word of God lead Jesus in his ministry and to the end of his life!

We are told that a day would come in which people would serve God in spirit and in truth. Jesus began this process by fulfilling the words of the prophets he was spirit made flesh and died for our redemption in that he provided the forgiveness of our sins but the story does not end here. No, rather his story has just begun.

Jesus said that we will do even greater things then he did and that when he left us the holy spirit helper would come to be with us so that we can finish what he began. Now the rest is up to us.

Prophesies are still be given today and prophets are being brought up even now as we speak. Through prophesies will shall receive new revelations, insight, understanding, stirring up of the saints and at times warnings and corrections because God used his prophets to correct as well.

One of the responsibilities of being a prophet of God is to always speak the word he gives us. After we have been tested and tested the spirits and know in our hearts that it is him who speaks we must speak. Brothers and sisters those who are lead to prophesy this is for us. We must br faithful to speak. There are times as i hear the father that i am stirred up with happy positive loving things to say to a person. These are happy times. However there are times when God reveals something that i may not want to share because they are not so happy and fluffy to share or for the hearer to take but i tell you always be fearful to speak from God because it is this very word that might cause that person to be saved. That is the price of being a prophet. When he speaks we speak. When we are lead to a place that is dessert or that is scary, we listen and go.. and wait. That is for someone. Amen

 

 

The Words of a Prophet (part 1)

firebush

We are blessed with the gift of prophesy, either directly as some are given the gift by the anointing of the holy spirit (and if this is not of the holy spirit then we need to be considering the demon of divination), or passively by enjoying the prophetic word given by someone with this gift.

A true prophetic word has a few key components. The very most essential component is that it originates from God. A prophetic word that comes forth from the prophet’s mouth first was given to the prophet by God, a true prophet will only speak out what the Lord God had imparted to them, whether by a gift of wisdom, knowledge, or revelation. Sometimes it feels like the Lord comes and drops these things in our spirit as a friend describes “into our spiritual womb” and it makes one feel slightly full and burdened as if pregnant and is a relief when we finally utter that word and “give birth” to this spirit baby lol.

So the next component is that the prophetic word is received by and given forth by faith. By faith we learn that it is God who is giving us this message and it is his will that we speak forth this message. It is something that is learned as the prophet Samuel had to learn. When Samuel was still a child and called by the Lord he didn’t recognize this at first, all he knew is that he kept hearing a voice call his name. Finally with some help from a more experienced minister he was taught that when he heard this voice he should turn an ear and say “yes Lord” then listen so this shows us that when this gift is imparted God will call us and speak to us and we can have the “gift” before we ever really understand this. I myself had been given this gift many years ago, but it has taken me all these years to learn the ins and outs of the gift and to mostly have the confidence of faith to use it.. but Satan also knows usually even before we do and will attack that person to darken their star, though sometimes it is these very attacks from the adversary against the prophet that ends up serving to shape and strengthen them in their fight against him. If you are one who has experienced many heart breaks, rejections, devastation then look at it this way- Satan sees you inner star even if you yourself have not seen it yet.

The gift of prophesy is used for a couple of purposes- to exhort, edify, inspire a person a church it will always point to God and not the prophet. Yes the prophet will receive some glory in that they are respected as a man or woman of God but the gift itself is not meant to make us serve that person, but rather to increase our love and service to God.. to be continued…

Healing

healing-waters-carol-cavalaris

This time in my life is really about healing. I realize that my lack of trust is pushing people/men away but do you know what.. maybe that is what my subconscious wants and needs. I cannot take any more pain right now, nor am I ready to really give my heart away. It needs to be healed. Sometimes being alone is really the best medicine though i rarely will seek it, as a matter of fact I kind of resist it.. being alone but deep down inside my heart knows better. I am not ready to let some people go yet… but we are never alone. This really is not just a time of “being alone” but rather it is a time of being alone enough in solitude to hear the one who’s love is true. His love heals me because it is real. It is dependable. Jesus never came to be served.. he came to serve. He came to love, he came to teach and correct, he came to bless.. he came that “we may have life and have it abundantly ” john 10:10.. he came and he died.. not really asking for anything in return. What did Jesus tell us to do really? Only two things had he ever asked us to do..#1. Love God with all your heart #2. Love people more than yourself.. when you learn how to do number 1, number 2 happens more naturally. I am still learning how to do both. We are not perfect, and guess what? We don’t have to be.. he takes us as we are. So being alone with the Savior of the world and our creator who is the essence of love, no wait.. he IS love…there is no better medicine. I am also learning that as i yield to him, do what he asks (i still need work in this area) then he can teach me more.. faster.. because he has things he wants to teach us.. but we cannot learn unless we get quiet.. Lord help me be quiet. Help me heal. Thank you for your healing power. Help me trust you even more. Amen.

Lack of Trust

depositphotos_215054384-stock-video-sad-woman-crying-suffering-pain

So yesterday I wrote about my trust in God, how glorious this is!! Really no words can describe how wonderful this is, and we can always come to him no matter what is going on in our life or no matter what you have done.

Today I want to talk about my lack of trust in people, especially men. I am a little down today. My ex fiance apparently just got out of jail because he was graced with probation rather than jail time and although I’m pretty much over it.. today dirt in my heart is being stirred. Not only about him but about another recent ex.. and just about men but about women in my life, family members, adopted family members. It is all being stirred up.. thanks to whatever is responsible for this. That was sarcastic by the way. You know .. you love someone.. and then something happens, they betray you, or there are misunderstandings, distance.. whatever but to the core of a lack of trust is the fact that the person failed to love you enough. They broke a promise, they once made you believe they loved you just for you to later discover that it was only a lie.. or a partial truth. They were selfish and didn’t care about how they really hurt you… you know it really is easier to just be numb to it. I mean, what can you do? Mope? Whine.. shed a tear.. yes shedding tears are nice sometimes i don’t shed them enough but sometimes you can only shed so many times until you just get tired of it. And after you shed them then guess what? You are still left with the same broken heart. It didn’t change a single thing. But.. a person such as myself can get to a place in which you never trust a person anymore. Sure you can forgive and continue to forgive but eventually you still learn to look under every rock for the bug.. because you know that every rock is going to have a bug no matter how shiny and clean it appears. Others come along and say “oh.. but i am not that person.. i am being punished for someone else’s crime.. blah blah blah blah” yeah you think.. that’s what “he/she said too” you keep it to yourself because that person already has their feelings bruised.. and guess what.. yes.. you might have guessed it.. maybe.. there is NOT a happy ending to the story because.. lol.. surprise.. they did it too shhh…

So some may say or think that this is a bad place to be.. rock bottom in the trust department.. but guess what.. it is where im supposed to be. All i can do now is look up.. and learn to forgive but not ever trust.. unless the Lord allows.. but this was his plan to make me only ever depend on him.