Trust In God Alone

I am at a place in my life in which I must believe God. I know his voice.. yet, I am not one that just takes him at his voice. Just as I don’t take a prophesy as a done deal. I must see and hear him over and over again. I hate to admit it, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m truly a doubting Thomas. It is not God who I don’t trust really, it is myself. I’ve been told this before, and since I’ve been told this, I’ve found out that it is true. I think most people will admit that if they heard God’s voice, and they knew it was his will, then they wouldn’t doubt. We see a few examples of this in the bible.. 1 John 5:15 states that when we know God hears us, then we know that we will have what we asked for. Also, we have an example in Matthew 8:2 in which a man with leprosy told Jesus, “Lord, if you are willing.. then you can make me clean”. The issue isn’t that we doubt that the Lord is able, rather the issue is that we doubt he is willing. So, when I hear God’s voice and it doesn’t make sense, then I will keep asking or trying to figure out the answer. I am admitting right now that I must hear it in many different forms, and see it in many different ways before I will finally say, “The Lord is clearly telling me…….” because I do not want to delude myself or misinterpret anything! Plus, doubt is there…

Now, there certainly is a difference between doubt that we have, and the doubt that talks to us and makes us question. Questioning is not bad, after all.. we should be sure that we are sure that we are sure that we are hearing God. So, that being said, maybe all this doubting or “questioning” is a good thing. Maybe there is a difference between doubt, which is truly questioning our belief, or believing, but wanting to make extra sure.. this is caution. Now in Philipians chapter 4 we are told to be cautious/anxious for nothing, supposing which version of the bible you are reading. However, if we step out in faith, but have doubts.. then how is whatever we are stepping out to do ever going to weather the storm.

This is how I gain so much confidence in any stand that I take. I take my stands with confidence that won’t waver, because my stance has already been affirmed to me. I’ve already weighed it, or it was given so clearly to me beyond a shadow of the doubt. If having temptations to doubt, or if having doubts leads us to question God for extra confirmation, then is that a bad thing? I think not! Let’s take Gideon for example. I have a friend who always recommends Gideon’s approach to faith. Gideon was told by God that he was to raise an army to defeat the enemy. At first he questioned, not God’s ability, but rather he questioned himself. He questioned his own worth. He questioned if God would really do this for him, he wanted to be certain that he heard God right. So he tested God. You see, the word says do not test God, but in this situation Gideon was seeking reassurance, not being challenging… he wanted to know for sure, so he asked God for a specific sign, and he gave it to him, a couple days in the row. Until Gideon was sure. You see, I think that the bible gives us enough examples of men questioning God and asking specific requests and requirements of God, and God being patient and granting them to show us that God is NOT concerned that we question him. He is actually very patient. He is more concerned about us being sure. So we should seek his face until we are sure.

Now, once we are certain, then we should take the step of faith. Because once we are doing what we are told to do in Ephesians 6:13, to do all that we can do to stand, then we continue to stand. This means that challenges will come against us in the form of circumstances, people discouraging words, tests.. and this is how we develop patience. Do not grow weary in doing good, in this case obeying God and trusting in him… but rather hold fast to that promise that you have not yet received. God told Abraham he would have a child by Sarah, yet they grew weary in waiting, actually it was sarah who grew weary in waiting, so she offered her hand maiden, suggesting the promise would come by her. She was a test to Abraham. Abraham did as she suggested, however if he had stood firm on what God had originally said to him, then maybe they would have never beget Ishmael. However, God is so wise in that he allows certain events to take place because he has a bigger plan and purpose. There is yet a plan for this enemy nation towards Israel, the Ishmaelites . How do I know? Well, I could give you scripture about how God makes everything to work for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. Abraham beget Ishmael, do we really think that God would not also bless him? Even if he wasn’t part of God’s instruction, God is good and still has a purpose. Do you believe? I believe.

I went on a bunny trail for God’s purposes. What God is doing in my life is he is bringing me to a place of surrender to trying to figure out things in my own understanding, and just to trust him. You see, it was also Gideon who God did the impossible through. He not only gave Gideon victory, but he did it with a handful of men compared to the large army that Gideon in his rational mind concluded was needed, God reduced that. You see, God specializes in doing the impossible. We just have to obey him. That is the only part we are to play. God, please help me trust and obey. Amen.

Time Alone With God

I prefer to have someone to talk to, yet at times I don’t have that special friend. Or, I’ll find someone to talk to, but the deeper need isn’t met. Why? Because no one satisfies like you. It is time alone spent with you that I am changed. Sometimes I think about how I lack. How I am not this or that. I go back to thinking about men, always expecting them to reject me. When they accept me, I still don’t feel the deeper satisfaction of being understood, cared about, truly seen and loved. Just hearing, “I love you”, isn’t enough. Just being told, “you are pretty” isn’t enough. No matter where I turn, someone else is prettier, smarter, more mature, sweeter, wittier. It is not a contest for sure. Every person is put on this earth to shine, and for a purpose. I can celebrate when another woman shines and gets that love she’s always wanted. I just want to be satisfied. It is still clear to me God, that I will only get that need satisfied in you, and I am reminded that you alone know every need I have and are able to meet it. You are shaping me, molding me, changing my shape, strengthening my faith. Teaching me to hear your voice and hold strongly to it, because all kinds of things make me want to deviate.. but you are with me. God, help me get go even deeper with you. I want to get even closer to you. I want to know you so intimately. You are surely the best lover, my soul was made to celebrate you and to be loved by you. You came down to save me. Help me to let you be the leader. Teach me. You have stepped back and let me do things my own way, I want your way. Please teach me. I don’t know how to follow you unless you show me. I don’t know how to do anything unless you guide me. I want to learn. Here’s what I need more, you impressed on me… I need to trust you. I need to know that when I am not even thinking about you, that you are bigger, that you are there, that you have not abandoned me. You spoke that word to me yesterday, you said, “I have not abandoned you”, and I even asked you what you meant, confused because I wasn’t consciously thinking you abandoned me. Now you are showing me. what you really meant by saying that to me is that… even if I go about my merry way, you care and watch over me. You care about me. I don’t have to beg you to pay attention to me. You are bigger than me. You have not left me alone to figure things out. I am not alone. You have not left me. You are still there, you are still here. You are near to me. Others often leave me. Others often don’t care. They care but not when I need them to care, or like I like them to care. You knitted me in my mother’s womb. You have always watched over me. I know this, yet I still try to take care of everything by myself and I act like I’m alone. I cannot do anything on my own. Please show me just how much you care about me. Please take care of me. Let this revelation go deep. Thank you Lord. Amen.

Every Word

I am to the point that I am relying on every word you tell me God. So when you tell me that everything is going to be ok, and I start having anger, panic, frustration with how things are then I am not listening to you. Help me hold onto your words, your promise, your voice. When you tell me things, and the world shows the opposite of what you say, I will hold on. You tell me to obey, then I obey… you tell me this is the way.. then I will not go a different way. You tell me to rely on you, then I will rely on you. I trust you. You honor faith. I am standing on my faith. You are the author and finisher of faith. You tell me that if I am wrong about anything, you will make it clear to me. You alone are faithful.

Visions, Dreams, and Prophesies

This is a continuation of my last post. I am not about to take on the exhaustive task of posting every single dream, vision, and prophesy I’ve had, however I want to post a few. I feel a strong need to post about these things. One dream in-particular I had just last month. I had a dream that I was standing on the porch in front of a home on a hill or mountain in a city that I believe was Jerusalem. I was facing the house, and the Lord spoke to me from behind me. He said he was going to give me all of Israel. He said first I would have to go through Jerusalem which was just a small stepping stone. At that I turned around to take in the sight of the City, and it was like an airplane view my vision swept across the tops of the buildings, including the one with the gold pointy roof.. and the city kept going and going and going. It was so vast. I accepted the fact that he told me he would do this and resisted any inclination to question him, because if nothing else I’ve been taught that if he says he’s going to do something, then that means he’ll do it. I also was in awe in how large Jerusalem was. I concluded that this dream was about my ministry when I woke up.

I’ve been told that God is going to send me to multiple countries. I’ve been prayed for by MOG that I will have an increased anointing in my ministry and that I will heal people and set them free. This has been my personal vision and desire since I was first filled with the holy ghost, to set captives free and do even greater things then Jesus did as we were told would happen in the later days. I believe we are in the latter days due to all the visions and dreams I’ve been having. I’ve been told I’m going to have another baby. I’ve been told I will write books and be given a key, and I was given a key in a vision in which I was taken to heaven. I’ve been told tonight by someone they had a dream about me standing on a mountain and directing a crowd of people on the direction they should go. I also had a vision of leading a crowd of people more than once. I’ve had visions of flying in the air because I was so filled with fire. Why? because like Jesus, I was made for these purposes. We have all been made for a God given purpose, and we all will accomplish it if we allow God to help us do so.

It is God and Jesus who gives me the faith to hope and believe that these things will come to pass. I’m ready. I was told I would enter the promised land soon. I suppose the reason God will bring people to prophesy and pray such things is to encourage, direct, strengthen, and because their prayers are part of the process. My entire life story, including the times I wrote creative stories and read to my sisters as children and journaled and took writing classes in school was part of my life story and God’s grand plan. That is the important point that is to be made in this blog. That yes, God does have a master plan, and we have desires, hopes, dreams, prophesies, and visions however it is the people who pray for us that cause it to happen. It is that one person’s act of faith in obedience by sharing their faith, their word, their money, their talents, that brings it to pass. We are all part of his body and all of our unique strengths AND weaknesses, acts of faith and service all have their place in the grander plan and we will all be rewarded accordingly.

I will end this on that note with a prayer. Father, please bring these visions and dreams to pass. My greatest desire is to number one, be one with you, and number two, use the gifts and talents you’ve given me to honor you and win souls for you. Please let me not miss out on one single person you have planned to lead my way. Help each of us discover by faith our own individual talents, gifts, and callings and stir a longing to satisfy it. Help us by giving us the grace to desire to fulfill your desire and give us the tools and knowledge and wisdom in stopping Satan from doing his work to stop your will in our lives. Please bring down your kingdom and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven that not a single one of us will be lost. It is all for your glory, in your power, and for your greater purpose which we praise you for. I look forward to the new kingdom that is coming our way.. Amen.

Prophesies

Within the last 48 hours I’ve had 3 men approach me and give me a word from the Lord. Each word has pertained to ministry. I’m being told God has given me favor. I’m told I will lead many people and help them. I’ve been told God will help me and he’s with me. It is God who has inspired a few destiny helpers to think to pray for me regarding these things. The thing is that I already know God is leading me into evangelism. I know I will visit other countries and lead people. I don’t know how, except that God will guide. I don’t need people to validate this to me, however the fact that God inspired people to approach me and speak to me concerning this is very encouraging. I am writing a book. I feel like I’ve been saying this forever, but it’s taken me this long to get to this point. It is intimidating writing this book because I’ve never written a book before, though I know this is what I’m made for. I finally got through my outline which I had taken a short cut and tried to skip doing an outline, which just ended up delaying the process more. I would claim that it’s been a waste of time, but that would be false. Even though I haven’t made the progress I’d wanted to by now, all the work I had put into brain mapping, outlining, writing thoughts here and there.. filling up note book after note book with ideas, all eventually lead me to the actual writing of the book. So all the books and articles I’ve read about writing a book has been accurate in that they all say one common thing, and that is that at the end of the day, what matters is to write. So I had finally gritted my teeth and pushed myself past the automatic discouragement, fear, and distractions that want to derail me. I also never sit down anymore to write without first praying for God’s grace to help me write. This has been fundamental in getting me through the process. I am confident that future books (a couple are already in the budding stages) won’t be so painfully long to get accomplished.

I’ve had several prophesies, dreams, and visions regarding my future in ministry. I had been afraid to openly talk about such things for fear that it looks like I’m bragging. However, I am continually reminded by the Lord that the reason why he shows me some things is so that I can declare it from the mountain tops. Sure, there are areas that I could have more discretion in, and discretion is what I have been asking for a lot lately. Discretion of the spirits of every matter, because up til now during my entire spirit filled life I had been pulled by two voices. God’s and the counterfeit, 3 if you consider my own. I had asked people about this experience much this past year, and I don’t get a lot of feedback, other than “his sheep know his voice”.. which at first I took as offense because I felt like they were implying I didn’t know God’s voice. People just aren’t always going to be able to judge our experiences because they are so personal and they just cannot know unless they were able to walk in our shoes for some days. The good that comes from this is that there is a purpose for all that we go through, and I have discovered that the reason I’ve been allowed to go through the spiritual experiences I have, especially concerning the spirit of fear, is so I can teach the world about distinguishing between God’s voice and Satan’s voice. This is preparation for the anti-Christ, because the biggest issue during that time will be that people will be lead astray and deceived by the counterfeit spirits, the signs and miracles, the appearance of Godliness that all have an appearance of wisdom, but all of them deny that Jesus is the Christ. Even believers will be deceived i believe. I believe this adamantly because of my own personal trial with being confused about the voice of the spirit of fear vs God’s holy spirit. Satan’s presence is so crafty that the feelings are very similar to that of the holy spirit, the words can be scriptural, yet have the wrong spirit. What about when you are prophetic but you hear two voices? It sounds like the same voice, however one voice leads you one direction, and the other the opposite direction. It is clear to me now that the only way a person will be able to rise above and overcome in following the Lord during such an experience is if they are truly crucifying their life, picking up their cross and truly obeying. The knowledge of the word in itself is dangerously deceptive in that knowledge can puff up and lead one to fool themselves into thinking they are in the right because they know what is right. Yet as they continue not obey the word they know, they will be lead the wrong way.. and think they are right in the process. God has set up our lives in a way that requires true devotion in order for us to be saved. However, even if we turn to the right or to the left, we will always hear a voice behind us telling us the right way… he will finish the good work he began in us that is for sure. Amen.

Dear Lord

You have told me this week that the reason my plan failed is because I didnt listen to you in the first place, and rather than relying on you I was afraid and relied on man. No more by your grace. You keep moving me to place all my cares in your hands, and also to make you my portion and my source . Thank you holy God. Please help my book and my writings bring you glory and touch lives as you can use it the best. Your word is so rich with life that it only takes a small drop to infect and save a life. By the leading of your spirit I really just wanted to honor and praise you. You are the best lover, you care about souls. You also work to ensure that every soul is redeemed dear Savior and God allows you to create every story into a timeless, endless story. I am blessed beyond measure because im redeemed. 💖I love you Lord. Thank you for being you. Be blessed today. Amen.

How Much Do You Love God

My lesson this week is to not worry. The Lord showed it to me as a command and I posted it in a lesson, presenting it as sin. Many said they never thought about it that way, a couple people disagreed.. one lady very adamantly. I asked her how she can not think it is a sin when it is commanded for us not to worry. If we as humans considered worry to be punishable, then we might take this command more seriously. She pointed out that sin is violating the 10 commandments, but if you think about it.. worrying violates the greatest commandment, and that is that we should love the Lord our God first and with all of our strength. Jesus teaches us that if we truly love God, then we will keep his commandments.

Loving God means that we celebrate who he is, and when we really believe in him, then we trust him. It is very hurtful when the person who says they love you cannot trust you. How would you feel if someone says they love you in one breath , yet in the next breath they ask us to prove we are trust worthy.. my next question to that person is.. “you say you love you.. but you question my integrity.. so how can you mean it when you say you love me.. if you don’t realize who I really am?”. When asked what to call him, God replied “I am that I am”.

In essence , loving God means that we love what makes him who he is. Who is he? He is perfect love, he is able, he is faithful, he is omnipresent and omnipotent. So say we don’t trust him means we don’t know who he is.. and if we don’t really understand him, how then can we really mean it if we say we love him.

When we say that we love him, then that means we love what is right, because he is righteous. If we say we love him, then we also mean that we love the truth. So if we say we love him, but then treat his truth as if it is a lie, then we lie when we say we love him and the truth is not in us. This just means that we are deceived. We seem to think that believing in God, or even having respect for God.. means that we love God. But we don’t even know or understand who he is so we don’t really know what we are saying.. until we start obeying his commands. This is so helpful to me. This week ive found grace to really give up a couple things .. including worry. If I worry when im told directly not to.. then it is sin. If i partake in active worry instead of reminding my mind what scripture says, and that my God is able, faithful or that he cares about me.. then i am disbelieving.. and disbelief is sin. Even if one still refuses to call worry and disbelief sin, then we could call it a gateway sin.. disbelief in him and his word leads to sin of every kind. Eve trespassed the and ate forbidden fruit because she allowed herself to disbelieve what God said.. that eating that fruit would lead to permanent death.

If God tells us not to worry about our lives, then he tells us this for a reason. Lord, help us all believe without a shadow of doubt, obey, and enter heavenly rest 💖