Heartache

I have been dwelling in a place that I now know as heartache. This is not the same as heartbreak because its been sometime now since ive had my heart really broken. Actually this isnt true it has been recent like less than 6 months. I suppose this would explain my state of heartache. Heartache though is not something im choosing. As a matter of fact ive been trying really hard to step out of this yard of heartache. However im learning that even when I leave the yard of it, it is still there. It goes where I go because it comes from the inside. I suppose there is no insta heal spray. I suppose purposing to forgive isnt a quick fix. I suppose distractions dont resolve the ache… and it is not just I who aches, it is my children that ache. It is that boyfriend who aches. It is the friend who is always smiling who aches. We all suffer heart break, father how do we rid ourselves of such an infestation? I suppose part of it has to do with forgiving oneself. Maybe we are so busy forgiving others and not forgiving ourselves. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be vulnerable to be broken. I forgive myself for not being smarter to avoid getting my heart broken. I forgive myself for not being strong. I forgive myself for wanting to be loved. I forgive myself for not being perfect. I forgive myself for being someone who has beem rejected. I forgive myself for being me. Valuable life lessons can rise from the ashes of heart ache. One is compassion for others with heart ache. It helps when you know that you are valuable enough to inflict heart ache or even a healing in another persons life. Women (and me ) should not embark on giving their heart in an unhealthy endeavor to fix someone rlse. You wont fix someone else but you can losr yourself. Or.. is losing yourself the key? Its just impossible to enter into marriage without losing yourself to somebody in a way. You lose yourself by giving that person confidence.. which means you are risking betrayal. But my motto is.. don’t trust anyone.. therefore i don’t trust anyone. But that being said.. being marrird means you trust someone right? But i cannot trust anyone. Im not ready.. but.. can a person ever truly be trusted? I suppose this means the test of time.. i dont know im waiting for that one person who can ignite my trust. Is that possible? Only God knows what is best in the end. I thi he’s got this i just have to trust in his guidance on every matter. Especially when it comes to marriage partner.. the bible says that when we honor our parents we are putting a garland of wisdom and promise around our necks. We should listen to them. We should seek wisdom in marriage. We should follow their advice. We should follow.our fathers advice.. he knows best. Father please add learming to our ways. So that we can keep our path straight. Amen

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