Why They Control

So I have come across many people, especially men who want to control me, or change me. Today I realized the reason why this takes place. This is because they are afraid of a trait I have or don’t have that they think needs to be in place to have a successful relationship with me. Isn’t that true in all relationships? When a person tries to control or change you it is because #1 They are full of pride and believe that they know what you need and in essence are trying to play God, #2 They do not think you are acceptable the way you are. As for #1… no one is so smart or so holy or so perfect that they are equal to God and just because you have excelled in an area of triumph in your own personal life does not mean that you truly know what is best for another persons life, and people won’t like or appreciate your attempts to try to control them. #2- ok I get this, this means that you need to keep on walking brother. You like parts of me, but other parts of me not so much. Nope, if you are to be good enough for me, then not accepting all of me the good parts and the parts that are less than perfect, then you are not good enough for me. Yes, there is a place of correction, but this is not done in an attitude of controlling. We can pray and lovingly point out something to each other to help them, this is the way it should be. Help each other yes, but try to control a person and tell them how they should and should not be is something else altogether. You are not God, and I am not here to meet your needs or be in the place of your God in that I am not meant to meet all your needs, only God is. The way to deal with this is to observe a person and the way they are.. and you accept. Not try to change, just accept.. and then you ask yourself “is this person someone who really does it for me?” If the answer is not yes, then that is the way it is. Determine what sort of relationship you need with them and be real about it. Do not say “no I don’t accept so I’m going to help and pray for change” no, that is controlling and not a recipe for a long lasting relationship. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Not that your perfect fish will be perfect, but they should be someone you just love just as much for their weaknesses as you do their strengths. Someone who you “love” not for what they do for you, or how perfect they are, but because of simply who they are, flaws and all. Use that as a guide. It is not fair to the person who you are attempting to change either because that is surely not the love they hope for. Settling and attempting to change a person is the contrary to love, it is selfish.

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