So what is the purpose of having a man in my life anyways? This is what I’ve really began asking myself. I was someone who always had to have a “man”, like I say “I don’t do single well”. Getting a boyfriend has never been a problem for me truthfully. Ever since I was 11 years old I had had boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. It went from holding hands to my first kiss to further escalation real quick. I discovered a few things at a very young age, hormones, and.. how good it felt to be desired. I went through some phases of dressing provocatively to being modest, to something in between. I used to spend an hour in the bathroom everyday fixing my hair and my make up even if I didn’t have plans to go anywhere, which was most days. I just knew I was good looking and enjoyed being good looking. Now a day I spend less then 10 minutes on putting on make up if I feel like it. Also, big hair isn’t popular like it used to be so I prefer the natural look now. Every once in awhile I will spend an extra 15 minutes straight ironing my hair (yes still the fad), but I have learned to embrace my natural thick waves and putting some hair gel in occasionally works just as well, and it is easy.
So, back to my topic, I had always had a man in my life. I still recall when I was just 19 years old crying to a family member because I was single and wanted to be married so bad and was convinced that I would be single for the rest of my days. My uncle was like “but you’re 19” lol. Boy, did I get what I wished for. Long story short because I was so desperate to be married I settled with yes a good guy, but with someone who I really didn’t love in earnest and who I really wasn’t compatible with.. just for the sake of getting married. 11 years and 4 kids later it eventually ended in divorce. Despite my hardest attempts to make it work and be happy. Despite my sacrifices for the sake of doing God’s will and sticking it out. Eventually my human weakness got the best of me, and also I will point out that I ignored God when it came to marrying him, because God told me no. However, I still didn’t learn my lesson .. again and again and again.. which brings me to now. Now I am a single mom of 6 kids and just now willing to figure these things out. Please, if anyone is listening, heed my message and learn from my mistakes.
The value of a man? You see I know someone who just wants to be married like I used to feel, and when plan A isn’t working for them, they move on to plan B, and then plan C. I am convinced they will not stop until they obtain that spouse, and truth is I feel sorry for them and truth is I hope against all odds they marry the person who will make them happy life long. Because I’ve learned that when you are in such a desperate state to be with someone, you most likely are going to do it wrong. So, even now I can have a boyfriend, but I no longer seek to fix my single status. I have learned the hard way. Don’t get me wrong, like most everyone else I still hope for and have faith for meeting Mr. Right, however before I am really ready for Mr. Right I first have to be satisfied with just me, and the friends the Lord blesses me with. That is what I secretly yearn for I’ll confide, just a good friend. Sex doesn’t have to be involved as a matter of fact sex just seems to be all wrong even though I love sex but I aim to do it right this time. Why do I want a man? I want a companion but “man”, none are perfect, not even the good ones. It used to be “find a good man”, now it is “no man will do unless I have peace” and anymore I just don’t have peace. I’m discovering that until things are right on the inside of me no man will ever be good enough for me. I will manage to either hook up with the wrong person who has the wrong motives, or who has the right motives but my motives are not right so why does it matter? The only reason a man and woman should ever marry is if they just cannot live without each other, this is my conclusion. Not to have a space filler, or to have a sex partner (though this is a good motivator for marriage). Nope, the value of a man is someone who I can love as a brother or friend in the Lord right now, who I can learn from, who can maybe help me with “man” things all us women need a “handyman”, but mostly I need to only be surrounded by good men. Bad men, stay away.