His will vs Appearance of Righteousness- A Vision

textgram_1565794087

 

I had a vision that led me to understanding. There is an appearance of Righteousness that is not of God. Such people would be dressed to the part. They will appear to be good guys. They will appear to uphold the law. In this vision I saw myself being taken into a house with my kids and my captor was a very large strong man, but he was looking behind him and looking over his shoulder. I was confused for a moment because he seemed to be kidnapping me but upon further inspection he was protecting us. He looked outside at the sky and there were helicopters looking for me and he was disturbed and closed the door when he turned so i could see his face he was getting larger and he had fire behind his eyes and was opening his mouth to roar.. this was a vision that came upon me and when i sought to understand it the Lord showed me that the helicopters were like police.. i was wondering why id be hiding from the police is this an apocalyptic vision? But i understand that these are people who are not on God’s side. We consider righteous people the good guys but these people were not because they did not have the right heart and were against God. This large man was protecting me and I knew that the helicopters would not ever find my family because he hid them. Sometimes what we call evil is really God protecting us from evil. We need to trust what God has provided for us. We need to trust and understand that appearances are not always right. Righteousness is not about rule keeping aside from the will of God. True righteousness is obedience to God. We can follow rules but have hate in our hearts. Always trust God. We try so hard to protect ourselves that we assume God will not use our current circumstance and the current people but faith is embracing what he has already done in your yard.  Now I understand that this was an Angel of the Lord, and in the end times, there will be much persecution and those who are right will be treated like they are wrong, by the “good guys”, beware.  

Revelations 19:12 His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself”

fireeyes2

Purity Prayer

oil

Father give me purity I pray. Make my thoughts line up with yours and the ones that don’t please make them accountable to your truth. Please anoint my mind with the truth and also let it overflow to those who come near. Please make my heart pure. Please help me see everybody for what is at their core and not to be easily offended. Please give me a giving spirit and not be selfish. Please give me the courage to preach your truth. Please make ready my feet and those who you will to gain from being affected by me and my life somehow whether they are blessed by giving to me, helping me, learning from me or even if they just don’t care for me let them see Christ in me and lead them in someway through the impact of anything they face please teach them the truth. We praise you in all your ways you have made all things beautiful in your time and in your ways. Amen.

Heartache

53278619-silhouette-of-woman-kneeling-and-praying-over-beautiful-sunrise-background

I have been dwelling in a place that I now know as heartache. This is not the same as heartbreak because its been sometime now since I’ve had my heart really broken. Actually this isn’t true it has been recent like less than 6 months. I suppose this would explain my state of heartache. Heartache though is not something I’m choosing. As a matter of fact I’ve been trying really hard to step out of this yard of heartache. However I’m learning that even when I leave the yard of it, it is still there. It goes where I go because it comes from the inside. I suppose there is no instant heal spray. I suppose purposing to forgive isn’t a quick fix. I suppose distractions don’t resolve the ache… and it is not just I who aches, it is my children that ache. It is that boyfriend who aches. It is the friend who is always smiling who aches. We all suffer heart break, father how do we rid ourselves of such an infestation? I suppose part of it has to do with forgiving oneself. Maybe we are so busy forgiving others and not forgiving ourselves. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be vulnerable to be broken. I forgive myself for not being smarter to avoid getting my heart broken. I forgive myself for not being strong. I forgive myself for wanting to be loved. I forgive myself for not being perfect. I forgive myself for being someone who has beem rejected. I forgive myself for being me. Valuable life lessons can rise from the ashes of heart ache. One is compassion for others with heart ache. It helps when you know that you are valuable enough to inflict heart ache or even a healing in another persons life. Women (and me ) should not embark on giving their heart in an unhealthy endeavor to fix someone else. You wont fix someone else but you can lose yourself. Or.. is losing yourself the key? Its just impossible to enter into marriage without losing yourself to somebody in a way. You lose yourself by giving that person confidence.. which means you are risking betrayal. But my motto is.. don’t trust anyone.. therefore i don’t trust anyone. But that being said.. being married means you trust someone right? But i cannot trust anyone. I’m not ready.. but.. can a person ever truly be trusted? I suppose this means the test of time.. i don’t know I’m waiting for that one person who can ignite my trust. Is that possible? Only God knows what is best in the end.  I think he’s got this i just have to trust in his guidance on every matter. Especially when it comes to marriage partner.. the bible says that when we honor our parents we are putting a garland of wisdom and promise around our necks. We should listen to them. We should seek wisdom in marriage. We should follow their advice. We should follow.our fathers advice.. he knows best. Father please add learning to our ways. So that we can keep our path straight. Amen

 

That Feeling-Exposing Oppressions

demons

There is another side of being a prophet that I don’t like and wish I could understand more. That feeling I sometimes get. I wouldn’t call it anxiety because I understand the feeling and definition of anxiety very well. It’s that feeling. Its a sense of the negative side of the supernatural. There are many positive feelings one will get when in touch with the supernatural such as feeling God, hearing God, seeing God or at least perceiving him. There is no greater feeling in the world then when we are in his presence. No, this is a different feeling altogether. One that has led me to have anxiety but not this time because I have been set free from oppression. That is what this is. Oppression wants in. It used to be in, but now it only lurks through the window. It won’t get in but its very presence is… agitating.. when demons come our way to wage war.. we get more agitated, restless, on edge, edgy, depressed though this time i’m not depressed. I have so many thoughts that come to try to make me depressed.. but i was set free so its like pouring water on a duck.. just runs off the feathers. Along with these thoughts come people.. the same kind of people.. they have similar characteristics… to discourage, to put down, to control, to crush. When you see the same demon in many different faces you begin to learn who your enemy is. Knowledge is key to overcoming evil. Evil has to have a name so to speak. This is why when you watch an exorcism you often see the exorcist demand a name.. because naming him, understanding him and his nature and how he forms weapons against you.. then you can gain power and gain truth. Satan works under the cloak of darkness.. he is deception and he lies and he hides so he won’t be exposed. Instead we see the symptoms of a demon infestation. We see anger,depression, strife, perverse acts.. we see the results but the only way to truly be free of his plague is to pull him out by roots. No Satan you do not have a right to he here. Lucifer you are not welcome I bind you get out of my life, out of my kids life, out of my family’s life, out of the life of the listeners. We rebuke you we take authority and bind you in the name of Jesus Christ and I loose peace, truth, and patience to wait on you and do your will father God. We loose freedom we set the captives free from every shame, every lie, every thing that exalts itself to the truth. Your kingdom come God your will be done in earth and in our lives by your grace we have been set free amen.

man-in-forest

Why They Control-Reflection and Vent about Controlling People

So I have come across many people, especially men who want to control me, or change me. Today I realized the reason why this takes place. This is because they are afraid of a trait I have or don’t have that they think needs to be in place to have a successful relationship with me. Isn’t that true in all relationships? When a person tries to control or change you it is because #1 They are full of pride and believe that they know what you need and in essence are trying to play God, #2 They do not think you are acceptable the way you are. As for #1… no one is so smart or so holy or so perfect that they are equal to God and just because you have excelled in an area of triumph in your own personal life does not mean that you truly know what is best for another persons life, and people won’t like or appreciate your attempts to try to control them. #2- ok I get this, this means that you need to keep on walking brother. You like parts of me, but other parts of me not so much. Nope, if you are to be good enough for me, then not accepting all of me the good parts and the parts that are less than perfect, then you are not good enough for me. Yes, there is a place of correction, but this is not done in an attitude of controlling. We can pray and lovingly point out something to each other to help them, this is the way it should be. Help each other yes, but try to control a person and tell them how they should and should not be is something else altogether. You are not God, and I am not here to meet your needs or be in the place of your God in that I am not meant to meet all your needs, only God is. The way to deal with this is to observe a person and the way they are.. and you accept. Not try to change, just accept.. and then you ask yourself “is this person someone who really does it for me?” If the answer is not yes, then that is the way it is. Determine what sort of relationship you need with them and be real about it. Do not say “no I don’t accept so I’m going to help and pray for change” no, that is controlling and not a recipe for a long lasting relationship. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Not that your perfect fish will be perfect, but they should be someone you just love just as much for their weaknesses as you do their strengths. Someone who you “love” not for what they do for you, or how perfect they are, but because of simply who they are, flaws and all. Use that as a guide. It is not fair to the person who you are attempting to change either because that is surely not the love they hope for. Settling and attempting to change a person is the contrary to love, it is selfish.

Marriage and God’s Plan For My Life?

This is a topic that I have given much attention to and that I feel I should post about today. Why not? Don’t most single people want to remarry? A very few do not they say no, not for me, ever again! Then you have the few that don’t want to, however when they are honest they’ll say “sure, if I find the right person”, this is wise. You know I want to remarry, I did it wrong the first couple of times and now when I think about a third time a few things are happening inside of me. One is major anxiety! Lol.. Like when I have male friends I get close to and start considering this topic with, I lose peace which I feel is from God, but also I feel like there are deeper reasons. One yes there’s a thing called a spirit husband who might need to be dealt with, I’ve had a couple people see this when praying for me. However, I think this is because God really wants me to focus on him right now. Today I asked again “Father, you know I want to get married again” and his response? “Focus on ministry” lol. Not only has he been telling me this in my spirit, however people are starting to come out and tell me this in spirit as they are led. Yet, I still have the desire to marry. I know that this is the “seek ye first his kingdom and the rest will be added unto you” business meaning that as I seek to do the ministry he places on my heart, whether it be blogging, groups, fb, writing, getting established in a new church… and wherever he leads me, then my future spouse will find me. When I start focusing on a man in the natural, because there are so so many good, God fearing men, something happens, I lose peace!! Yet, they are serving to be good practice for me. I am finding out slowly what matters to me. One thing I do not want is someone to try to quench or control me. So many people come into my life to support or help me in prayer, yet as they get close to me they want to start criticizing me. I hate this.. not that I’m not open to correction, but it has to be in line with what the spirit says. And if you are not acting in the spirit then you are acting with the adversary, and I have listened to his voice plenty in my life, telling me I’m not good enough. Get behind me Satan I have a God and you friend are not him. So I’m learning that I don’t need a man to build me up, and if a man does not accept and love me as I am, then our relationship may not be ideal. I am who I am, and I am fine. No, not perfect but let that be between God and I, thank you. Yes I myself have much to learn as well. Maybe I need to learn more submission, maybe I need more attitude adjustment. All I know is that right now I need friends, and I need healing. I had not loved myself enough therefore I allowed people or even latched onto people who didn’t love me enough and then later abandoned me and hurt me in some way. Other then my first spouse, I mainly was the one who hurt him. No, no one is perfect, there is a place where I need forgiveness and to forgive, all of which I’ve already made a choice to do and have to daily keep making that choice. But for now, i really just want a friend. Someone who I do not feel I have to impress but who is there regardless. This is the problem with men who have romantic interest in me, they come with the motive to get romantic with me, and their friendship is conditional. No thanks, though if were not God’s desire that I still seek these friendships then he would change that desire, but he doesn’t. The desire to bond with men on a friendship level is strong. That we may mutually edify and pray for one another. This is all a learning process. But one thing is clear, I want God’s will.. that is the only way! Lord give us all strength and grace to do it your way. Amen.

Me and My Big Mouth

mouth

You know how many well many friends believe that I am way too open and that I disclose way too much? Yet here I am sharing my blog for the world to read, and guess what.. I was led to do this. So my question is, why hush me? Really? Does what I say embarrass you for me? Because it does not embarrass me, so why does this embarrass you?? This is a great question I’m asking. You know I’ve been praying about my future marriage because we all know I will get married again, however I’ve already done it wrong twice and have absolutely no interest whatsoever in doing it wrong a third time. I didn’t want the first two to fail. The first time I thought I could will myself through it, and what can I say other than I was young, dumb, and disobeyed God. The second one the man was a real romeo you know, he was extremely fervent in chasing after me (this should have been a red flag), always bringing me flowers, writing me letters, making all sorts of promises and once he obtained me he became abusive, end of story. I stuck that one out as long as I did because I didn’t want to put my kids through yet another divorce. Eventually for their sake and my own I had to. That story had something in common with the first, I was not seeking God. The first man was a Christian but God clearly said no. The second was not even a Christian and actually had some demons of his own for sure. So, anyways back to my point… I am an open person. I’ve had people think that they can manipulate me because I am so open, sooooo what?? Really? Is that my problem? Should I change because other people are fools? No, not going to happen. In my personal opinion, a person who is not open is someone who has something to hide. Sure, there’s a place for wisdom may the Lord teach me if he thinks I need it, but for now I’m going to be myself and if people don’t like how I am, you know how to exit.