Not outward appearance

It is becoming clear to me repeatedly that we were created to display God’s glory. I look around and I sometimes see jealous faces because of my anointing that was given to me, however those same faces have not always seen me. They have not seen all the tears I’ve cried nor been there every lonely night that I learned what it meant to have God as my only friend. When God chooses us it is personal. I’ve had little glimpses of what it will be like when we get to heaven. Some of us will be in a higher rank then others yet we will all worship God together. My only desire is to be where he is. When God calls a man or woman and anoints them. Sometimes tjwir fruit is not overly evident. Sometimes they are rough , ignorant , and have some bad habits. But God sees us for who we are. He is not concerned about the opinions of men.. if men were my judge then in would have been in the garbage can but I am chosen. Thank you Lord for judging each person according to matters of the heart and not by outward appearance.


I asked God for a prophetic dream that helped enlighten me and he gave me one , but it was not one I expected . In my dream I was in an apartment building and I enemies after me so I was trying to escape. I first had to retrieve my child and when I came to her and she put her hand in mine I suddenly had a baby in my arms as well. My heart was melting as I looked down at my babies. They were mine and even though I didnt have a man there I felt strong and safe. I felt strength inside of me, giving me knowledge that although I had enemies and had children to protect, my adversary was no match for me. I was stronger then them. I didnt have a man with me yet in this dream I did not feel alone. I felt support in the background.. then as I stood there on the roof with children in arms a helicopter came and I woke up.

Its interesting how weird our dreams can get yet how much we can gain from them. This teaches me that having a lack of a desire does not mean that we lack what we need. Lord keep teaching me so that I will come into all that you have for me and find much godliness with contentment.

Trust In Him Alone

Sometimes our negative feelings are there so that we can go deeper in understanding life and our father in heaven. When we feel discouraged in this world, it means that we are not content with what this world has to offer. When we feel down, it seems to be a time of transition for our souls. We learn what we are and what we are not. We learn who are our friends and who are not. We learn that only the father himself is able to satisfy our deepest needs. When the world presents itself it seems that it is often a facade. Only God is real. People act like who they are not, because if we saw them for who they are than maybe we would reject them as they reject themselves. I know that focusing on my own blemishes is full time work and I can see why it would be difficult to have real time for someone else. It is also in the times spent alone that we present ourselves to God as we really are, and the beautiful thing about God is that we do not have to be perfect, but because of his grace we are someone, but because of his long suffering can we grant long suffering to another. I would rather be alone then have fake interactions with others. I would rather be myself and accepted for who I am. In this world we will not find true love unless for his grace.

No Accident

I entered back into prayer, asking God would deliver me from things I’ve asked him before and I was met with distraction. I found my thoughts asking a different question of myself.. I found myself asking, “do you think it is an accident that you think the things that you do?” I thought about some key people in my life and I found myself asking.. “is it an accident that they are in your life?” When we try to make sense about our life it is easy to become confused. All we need to realize is that our life is no accident. The circumstances in our lives are not accidents. It is not an accident that we feel the way we do or have the desires that we have. Our lives are geared in a way that is meant to work out for our good. I trust it even when it makes no sense.

I Am My Worst Enemy

I have prayed and prayed and prayed for relief from anxiety and clarity in thought. I have memorized and have done my best to apply scriptures regarding fear, peace, anxiety and they have helped build my faith on the truth, but still my mind nags and nags at me. Finally I have my answer in the book of 1 John. Did I ever mention that it was the book of 1 John that God used to reveal himself to me in a real way for the first time? I love the book of 1 John, I have not read a more anointed book in the entire bible.. yet I rarely read it anymore. I shall get back to that… so much power in every word written therein…

1 John 3:19-21 NIV reads:

19 This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: 20 If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God”

I have an overactive conscience and am more on the hyper-vigilant side of things. I have had to learn how to let go of condemnation, and I have had to learn how to not be in bondage to the religious spirit, and I’ve had to learn how to be at peace with God and embrace his righteousness by faith and not earn it by works. This has been a long process and now I see ministers trying to sell righteousness by works, saying, “if you do this, then you will be righteous” and I see the error in their message and I know it is all grounded in pride and fear.. that being said, now that I am on a pursuit of holiness and purity in a way that the need to be right before God cannot be quenched until I am 100% perfectly inline with his spirit.. because that is what the spirit inside of me craves… it is time to deal with this nagging inside my brain.

The nagging inside of my brain that causes me so much anxiety is my own voice condemning me. Sometimes I just want to look at it and say, “shut up!!” However, there is something to that nagging voice inside of my brain. There is something more to this….

So now I am thinking…. “so, you want to be spirit lead you say…. but you have the mind of Christ….” we have the mind of Christ inside of us, and when there is a nagging then that could be the Christ in us begging to be heard, right? So instead of ignoring that nagging that drives me insane.. now I shall start paying attention to it… why am I mad at myself right now? may be the question of the hour… like my children who I often ignore when their nagging becomes incessant.. I now must pay more attention to what they are needing… what are my thoughts needing? What is inside of me that is begging to come out.. ? It may be the little things.. it is always the little things that we thought God did not care about…

Ok so when we stop looking at it as “God doesn’t like” because we know that God is all accepting and loving, then we see it as “I don’t like this about myself”.. but when we think about it from the perspective of “I don’t like this about myself and I am ready to be free from the dumb reasons I have behind doing it” then becoming new gets real and personal.. however, the mystery is that it is not simply that “I” do not like this about myself, however it is the “mind of Christ” that does not like this about myself… Therefore God Does care about even the most minor things and if he cares, then I shall listen.

When our biggest need becomes to be clean before God, so that we can have confidence before him and ultimately for me, it is so I can finally have that peace I crave and so that my greatest desire can come into play, that I will be one with the holy spirit of God, which minds we will be like minded and my mind and will and emotions will be in agreement always.. then when he moves I move.. and what I think he also thinks, and what I say is from his mouth.. because we are like minded, we are one in spirit and truth.. then I will be truly happy and will finally have an end to mental anguish and pain and nagging and have peace…

So how do I do this? I take a good long hard look at myself and listen to myself… when I am upset, why? If I am doing something I know better then, why? what do I really want and feel right now? The word of God says that when we look intently into his law, being doers and not just hearers, it gives us freedom. Jesus, you said your yoke is easy and that your burden is light.. so I believe you. I don’t understand it, but I do not have to. I only have to trust you. I trust you. Let my actions show that my faith is grounded in you. Let me not be afraid. Lord you say that when we ask anything according to your will, that you will do it for us.. .so I ask you, I implore you, please add more grace for me to be able to finally attain oneness in you in spirit. Help me learn your will and have the courage and insight to submit all things in my life to you. To give my will utterly to your purposes. Help me not be afraid. Sustain me. Lead me, guide me. I trust you, you are able. No doubt will I be satisfied. Show me your ways, teach me your ways and make my paths straight I ask this in Jesus’s beautiful name amen.


I am chosen. I feel so loved. When I reflect on snippets of my life, I see how God orchestrated me coming into his kingdom and to be used for his purposes. Even now everyday I hear him speak to me and remind me that he loves me, and that I am his, because he chose me. It doesn’t matter if another understands me or not, because he does. It doesn’t matter if another chooses me or rejects me, because what they don’t know is that he orchestrates all of it. Those who “chose” me do so because he works in their hearts to, and those who reject me are his way of guiding me into other areas of prosperity that doesn’t include them. I am “chosen” by those friends who I have been given, even the ones who love me the most. I hear more than once from a couple of them, who say to me, “I chose you” to make it clear to me that they chose me first, it wasn’t the other way around. The same is true with God. We think we have chosen him, but the truth is that no one can come to him unless he draws them to himself. He chose me, he created me with a destiny and has orchestrated all my circumstances to lead me to that very purpose. How does it feel to be chosen AND designed by God? This means that I can no longer put myself down in a way that says I am garbage, because I am not, rather I am chosen and special. I am chosen because he loves me and wants me to be with him in heaven. I am chosen because he wants me to love him as much as he loves me. I am chosen so I am special. Who is greater than my heavenly creator and king? Who can court me and ask me to marry them that would be a better mate than the lover of my soul? Only the best for his children. Thank you for choosing me Lord, I love you and I am blessed. Please help me fulfill your high calling you know the needs of my heart help me accomplish them. Thank you Jesus for everything. I love you.