Just Give Me Jesus

Ive been experiencing a loneliness that comes from feeling unloved and uncared about in a real way by many in my life . This has turned into a call to separate from people for the most part and spend time with God. The truth is that only God is able to meet me in the deepest way that I need. I hear scriptures play in my thoughts, that in his presence is fullness of joy. When we enter a time of disenchantment with people and life.. it is also connected to a need for something more. We are told that those who belong to God don’t consider earth their home.. in other words we groan and crave for something more lasting, more complete, more whole. I think sometimes it would be nice to have a partner to do things with, to watch a show with, to spend time with. But I’ve had that and it was a big dissapointment because they didnt want to do what i wanted to do, and I depended on them to meet the deepest needs in me. That failed, they failed, I was miserable.. and so were they because I was. I now cannot think of a single person or single thing in life that can complete me.. if I had found contentment with anyone or anything else then I wouldnt be so hungry for God. I am so hungry for him.. and as I enter into his presence I am fulfilled . I have many material needs in my life , always one stress after another after another .. tithing seems to help my view of money but not my bank account. I finally see these issues for what they are, distractions. Because they keep coming and coming. I prayed to God for the umpteenth time about these things and he didnt even respond to those issues.. he tells me to come away with him and to spend time thinking about what is important. The storms keep raging on but they won’t keep me distracted . I will focus on God. I will enter the holiest place, the safest place whixh is his presence. Not trying to figure out the answers because we don’t know how God will provide.. we cannot rationalize those things. I just need to know one thing, his grace is enough. His voice is enough , his word is enough. His love is enough. Amen. Now im finding that i have a great peace within me, a joy, a glow.. no im not perfect, but I know God is with me.. That is really all I need. As long as he’s with me, all else matters not. Just please never leave me I ask him, and he says he won’t . This is the greatest love story . It can be everyones. We don’t have to have that person, that recognition, that promotion, that need met..

Just give me Jesus 💖

Hard Pressed

I am hard pressed but not destroyed… God is with me so no matter what I face, I will be ok. When we experience earthly challenges whether it be a death of someone we know, financial crisis, hunger, or lack of any kind, then we can rejoice. The reason being that we know that our faith is being put to the test and therefore being perfected. We also learn to value what is truly important. When faced with a decision of whether to fret or not, and we’ve decided that fretting is not Godly, not acting in faith, and not productive, then we learn that God truly is in control, and by golly we better listen if we wish to overcome and come out of this on the right side. At least that is how I’m feeling by his grace. I’m enduing some trials, however thanks to God’s grace, I am still full of peace and joy. I’m not going to say it doesn’t feel hard and scary sometimes. I am not going to say that I don’t feel discouraged sometimes. That would be a lie. But the fact is that I truly believe in God and I truly know that he will come through for me, no matter what the outcome is I know he is in control. We must relinquish all our troubles to him and let him guide us all the way. Yes Lord, amen.

Good News

There will come a day when I will help many people with the things that I teach. What will draw crowds to me is that the things that I say will be the good news. For beautiful are the feet of the one who brings tidings of peace. Why would people gather to hear? Because it is the truth, and the truth is such good stuff. In John 10:10 Jesus spoke and proclaimed, “Satan came to steal away your life, but I came that you would have and enjoy your life”. It is the spiritual plague that Satan uses to undermine the hand of God in our lives. It is his lies that we are not good enough, that it will never be better, that God doesn’t love us. It is the lie that no matter how much we try we will never overcome or achieve peace. It is that he shows our mistakes and our inadequacies on display for not only us, but also for the word to see. You see, our battle is not to rid ourselves of all those things, though that may become the focus of our fight. Rather, our battle is to believe what God says, the good news that we are now complete, the good news that we are forgiven, the good news that nothing we do can ever truly separate us from the love of God. That we are holy and dearly loved, and that it will be ok. That we truly are ok if we would just allow the Lord, the Holy Spirit cleanse and redeem us. It will be ok. Thank you Father for your revelations, they are such a special thing to have. Help me always to be fruitful and get the word out. Also, help me to continue to become perfect in trusting you Father God. Trust that you are faithful to lead the way. My personal challenge is believing on a subconscious level that I’ve been, or will be abandoned. Lord, by your Holy Spirit place set us, or us free. Thank you. Amen.

Trust In God Alone

I am at a place in my life in which I must believe God. I know his voice.. yet, I am not one that just takes him at his voice. Just as I don’t take a prophesy as a done deal. I must see and hear him over and over again. I hate to admit it, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m truly a doubting Thomas. It is not God who I don’t trust really, it is myself. I’ve been told this before, and since I’ve been told this, I’ve found out that it is true. I think most people will admit that if they heard God’s voice, and they knew it was his will, then they wouldn’t doubt. We see a few examples of this in the bible.. 1 John 5:15 states that when we know God hears us, then we know that we will have what we asked for. Also, we have an example in Matthew 8:2 in which a man with leprosy told Jesus, “Lord, if you are willing.. then you can make me clean”. The issue isn’t that we doubt that the Lord is able, rather the issue is that we doubt he is willing. So, when I hear God’s voice and it doesn’t make sense, then I will keep asking or trying to figure out the answer. I am admitting right now that I must hear it in many different forms, and see it in many different ways before I will finally say, “The Lord is clearly telling me…….” because I do not want to delude myself or misinterpret anything! Plus, doubt is there…

Now, there certainly is a difference between doubt that we have, and the doubt that talks to us and makes us question. Questioning is not bad, after all.. we should be sure that we are sure that we are sure that we are hearing God. So, that being said, maybe all this doubting or “questioning” is a good thing. Maybe there is a difference between doubt, which is truly questioning our belief, or believing, but wanting to make extra sure.. this is caution. Now in Philipians chapter 4 we are told to be cautious/anxious for nothing, supposing which version of the bible you are reading. However, if we step out in faith, but have doubts.. then how is whatever we are stepping out to do ever going to weather the storm.

This is how I gain so much confidence in any stand that I take. I take my stands with confidence that won’t waver, because my stance has already been affirmed to me. I’ve already weighed it, or it was given so clearly to me beyond a shadow of the doubt. If having temptations to doubt, or if having doubts leads us to question God for extra confirmation, then is that a bad thing? I think not! Let’s take Gideon for example. I have a friend who always recommends Gideon’s approach to faith. Gideon was told by God that he was to raise an army to defeat the enemy. At first he questioned, not God’s ability, but rather he questioned himself. He questioned his own worth. He questioned if God would really do this for him, he wanted to be certain that he heard God right. So he tested God. You see, the word says do not test God, but in this situation Gideon was seeking reassurance, not being challenging… he wanted to know for sure, so he asked God for a specific sign, and he gave it to him, a couple days in the row. Until Gideon was sure. You see, I think that the bible gives us enough examples of men questioning God and asking specific requests and requirements of God, and God being patient and granting them to show us that God is NOT concerned that we question him. He is actually very patient. He is more concerned about us being sure. So we should seek his face until we are sure.

Now, once we are certain, then we should take the step of faith. Because once we are doing what we are told to do in Ephesians 6:13, to do all that we can do to stand, then we continue to stand. This means that challenges will come against us in the form of circumstances, people discouraging words, tests.. and this is how we develop patience. Do not grow weary in doing good, in this case obeying God and trusting in him… but rather hold fast to that promise that you have not yet received. God told Abraham he would have a child by Sarah, yet they grew weary in waiting, actually it was sarah who grew weary in waiting, so she offered her hand maiden, suggesting the promise would come by her. She was a test to Abraham. Abraham did as she suggested, however if he had stood firm on what God had originally said to him, then maybe they would have never beget Ishmael. However, God is so wise in that he allows certain events to take place because he has a bigger plan and purpose. There is yet a plan for this enemy nation towards Israel, the Ishmaelites . How do I know? Well, I could give you scripture about how God makes everything to work for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. Abraham beget Ishmael, do we really think that God would not also bless him? Even if he wasn’t part of God’s instruction, God is good and still has a purpose. Do you believe? I believe.

I went on a bunny trail for God’s purposes. What God is doing in my life is he is bringing me to a place of surrender to trying to figure out things in my own understanding, and just to trust him. You see, it was also Gideon who God did the impossible through. He not only gave Gideon victory, but he did it with a handful of men compared to the large army that Gideon in his rational mind concluded was needed, God reduced that. You see, God specializes in doing the impossible. We just have to obey him. That is the only part we are to play. God, please help me trust and obey. Amen.

Time Alone With God

I prefer to have someone to talk to, yet at times I don’t have that special friend. Or, I’ll find someone to talk to, but the deeper need isn’t met. Why? Because no one satisfies like you. It is time alone spent with you that I am changed. Sometimes I think about how I lack. How I am not this or that. I go back to thinking about men, always expecting them to reject me. When they accept me, I still don’t feel the deeper satisfaction of being understood, cared about, truly seen and loved. Just hearing, “I love you”, isn’t enough. Just being told, “you are pretty” isn’t enough. No matter where I turn, someone else is prettier, smarter, more mature, sweeter, wittier. It is not a contest for sure. Every person is put on this earth to shine, and for a purpose. I can celebrate when another woman shines and gets that love she’s always wanted. I just want to be satisfied. It is still clear to me God, that I will only get that need satisfied in you, and I am reminded that you alone know every need I have and are able to meet it. You are shaping me, molding me, changing my shape, strengthening my faith. Teaching me to hear your voice and hold strongly to it, because all kinds of things make me want to deviate.. but you are with me. God, help me get go even deeper with you. I want to get even closer to you. I want to know you so intimately. You are surely the best lover, my soul was made to celebrate you and to be loved by you. You came down to save me. Help me to let you be the leader. Teach me. You have stepped back and let me do things my own way, I want your way. Please teach me. I don’t know how to follow you unless you show me. I don’t know how to do anything unless you guide me. I want to learn. Here’s what I need more, you impressed on me… I need to trust you. I need to know that when I am not even thinking about you, that you are bigger, that you are there, that you have not abandoned me. You spoke that word to me yesterday, you said, “I have not abandoned you”, and I even asked you what you meant, confused because I wasn’t consciously thinking you abandoned me. Now you are showing me. what you really meant by saying that to me is that… even if I go about my merry way, you care and watch over me. You care about me. I don’t have to beg you to pay attention to me. You are bigger than me. You have not left me alone to figure things out. I am not alone. You have not left me. You are still there, you are still here. You are near to me. Others often leave me. Others often don’t care. They care but not when I need them to care, or like I like them to care. You knitted me in my mother’s womb. You have always watched over me. I know this, yet I still try to take care of everything by myself and I act like I’m alone. I cannot do anything on my own. Please show me just how much you care about me. Please take care of me. Let this revelation go deep. Thank you Lord. Amen.

Every Word

I am to the point that I am relying on every word you tell me God. So when you tell me that everything is going to be ok, and I start having anger, panic, frustration with how things are then I am not listening to you. Help me hold onto your words, your promise, your voice. When you tell me things, and the world shows the opposite of what you say, I will hold on. You tell me to obey, then I obey… you tell me this is the way.. then I will not go a different way. You tell me to rely on you, then I will rely on you. I trust you. You honor faith. I am standing on my faith. You are the author and finisher of faith. You tell me that if I am wrong about anything, you will make it clear to me. You alone are faithful.

Visions, Dreams, and Prophesies

This is a continuation of my last post. I am not about to take on the exhaustive task of posting every single dream, vision, and prophesy I’ve had, however I want to post a few. I feel a strong need to post about these things. One dream in-particular I had just last month. I had a dream that I was standing on the porch in front of a home on a hill or mountain in a city that I believe was Jerusalem. I was facing the house, and the Lord spoke to me from behind me. He said he was going to give me all of Israel. He said first I would have to go through Jerusalem which was just a small stepping stone. At that I turned around to take in the sight of the City, and it was like an airplane view my vision swept across the tops of the buildings, including the one with the gold pointy roof.. and the city kept going and going and going. It was so vast. I accepted the fact that he told me he would do this and resisted any inclination to question him, because if nothing else I’ve been taught that if he says he’s going to do something, then that means he’ll do it. I also was in awe in how large Jerusalem was. I concluded that this dream was about my ministry when I woke up.

I’ve been told that God is going to send me to multiple countries. I’ve been prayed for by MOG that I will have an increased anointing in my ministry and that I will heal people and set them free. This has been my personal vision and desire since I was first filled with the holy ghost, to set captives free and do even greater things then Jesus did as we were told would happen in the later days. I believe we are in the latter days due to all the visions and dreams I’ve been having. I’ve been told I’m going to have another baby. I’ve been told I will write books and be given a key, and I was given a key in a vision in which I was taken to heaven. I’ve been told tonight by someone they had a dream about me standing on a mountain and directing a crowd of people on the direction they should go. I also had a vision of leading a crowd of people more than once. I’ve had visions of flying in the air because I was so filled with fire. Why? because like Jesus, I was made for these purposes. We have all been made for a God given purpose, and we all will accomplish it if we allow God to help us do so.

It is God and Jesus who gives me the faith to hope and believe that these things will come to pass. I’m ready. I was told I would enter the promised land soon. I suppose the reason God will bring people to prophesy and pray such things is to encourage, direct, strengthen, and because their prayers are part of the process. My entire life story, including the times I wrote creative stories and read to my sisters as children and journaled and took writing classes in school was part of my life story and God’s grand plan. That is the important point that is to be made in this blog. That yes, God does have a master plan, and we have desires, hopes, dreams, prophesies, and visions however it is the people who pray for us that cause it to happen. It is that one person’s act of faith in obedience by sharing their faith, their word, their money, their talents, that brings it to pass. We are all part of his body and all of our unique strengths AND weaknesses, acts of faith and service all have their place in the grander plan and we will all be rewarded accordingly.

I will end this on that note with a prayer. Father, please bring these visions and dreams to pass. My greatest desire is to number one, be one with you, and number two, use the gifts and talents you’ve given me to honor you and win souls for you. Please let me not miss out on one single person you have planned to lead my way. Help each of us discover by faith our own individual talents, gifts, and callings and stir a longing to satisfy it. Help us by giving us the grace to desire to fulfill your desire and give us the tools and knowledge and wisdom in stopping Satan from doing his work to stop your will in our lives. Please bring down your kingdom and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven that not a single one of us will be lost. It is all for your glory, in your power, and for your greater purpose which we praise you for. I look forward to the new kingdom that is coming our way.. Amen.